The following is from our sister publication, The Manchester Mumbler, out of Manchester, UK. The spelling has been Americanized.
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.
To (insert name of editor or blogger):
Why are did you (write an unapproved article/rage blog) about The Amazing Meeting? Why did you focus on the (insert photo or speech that offended feminists/followers of woo)? We are part of a proud tradition that includes (insert name of famous ancient philosopher), (Insert the name of one of the four horsemen of atheism), James Randi, and (insert a woman/minority name if you can think of one)! Don’t focus on the irrational hate fostered by (select Skepchick or Freethought Blogs)! Focus on us! The true skeptics! The true (any word but worshipers/followers) of James Randi!
Now that we have (any word but purged) the fake skeptics from our ranks, we are stronger and more united than ever! Followers of (any euphemism for feminism) fear us online! We are driving modern day woo off the Internet! We cannot and will not be stopped!
Why don’t you stop hiding behind your (blog/publication) and face us? We invited Deepak Chopra to speak at TAM 2015. We’re inviting you to speak too. You have not excuse not to speak to us? What could you be afraid of? Do you fear us because we have an unofficial wild party that has bacon, doughnuts and strippers? Are you afraid because we don’t hold back our passion for reason and our rage against (any other word to describe Misandry)? Are you afraid of the constant (debate/criticism/facts/challenge/reasoned discussion) you’ll have to deal with every single day of TAM! Well if you have any doubts about addressing us, then you should shut up and listen to us!
(Add your own statement)
SignedSounds like inviting, but we’ll pass. Though we will admit it is clever to try to use Chopra’s followers to boost attendance at TAM.
To the Editor:
The media keeps saying that Chicago has a shooting problem! We’ll I’ve never been shot at in the years I’ve lived in Chicago. My Chicago friends have never been shot at. So why does the media keep reporting this?
I’ll tell you why! It’s a conspiracy! The gun companies want to sell more guns in Chicago. The mayor wants residents so afraid that they’ll support any gun law he proposes. Together they seed the media with fake stories. The media, desperate for stories that will draw an audience, runs these stories. Now we have a situation where everyone is afraid of Chicago!
Well I’m not afraid. Next weekend I’m going to march around the South side of Chicago wearing a shirt that says, “I feel safe in Chicago! I’m not a North Sider. I’m not a South Sider. I am a Chicagoan!”
Who wants to join me?
(Name withheld by request)
|Six UFOs observe the Chicago Pride Parade on Sunday.|
|File image of a truck.|
|UFO flees Iraq for Bolingbrook, IL. |
(Enhanced from REUTERS/Nour Fourat photo)