Monday, November 21, 2016

Illinois’ UFO Bases refuse to submit to Mayor Claar

By Reporter X

All of Illinois’s UFO Bases, except Clow UFO Base, rejected Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar authority as the Illuminati’s Grandmaster of Illinois UFO Bases.  Instead, those bases will remain loyal to the New World Order. 

Until last weekend, all of Earth’s UFO Bases were run by the New World Order.  Following the Presidential election victory of Donald Trump, the Illuminati attempted to seize control of all of Earth’s UFO Bases, either by force, or by “persuading” administrators to join them.  The New World Order now controls half of Earth’s bases.  In Illinois, only Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base defected.

Revord X, administrator of Hub 35, located near, Rochelle, IL, transmitted a statement to Claar during his anointment ceremony. “As much as I like Roger, he is now a pawn of Donald Trump, and of the Illuminati.  Roger may align himself with Steve Bannon and the white supremacist movement, but we will not!”

Thomas Xavier, NWO Administrator for Illinois, sent a statement on behalf of the other bases.  “Under NWO’s administration, relations with the Milky Way have never been better, the flow of technology from our visitors into the economy has never been smoother, and we are less risk for being drawn into an interstellar war than ever.  We will not go back to phony mysticism and inefficient ways of the Illuminati.  We will stay with best order.”

Xavier then added a warning from the NWO.  “You think you have gained power, but you have only sealed your village’s fate.  If you want to save your village, turn yourself in now!  It is almost too late.”

Claar, at the end of his anointment ceremony, issued his own warning.  “I endorsed Donald Trump when the snowflake Republicans wouldn’t and I raised money for him.  When I go to the Inauguration in January, not only will he give me all of Chicago’s federal money, He will grant me any favor I want.  Unless you want your bases turned to radioactive rubble, you will submit to me and to the Illuminati.  Ford!  Don’t interrupt me!”

When reached for comment, a reception for the President-elect said he was busy, and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Trump said, “Bill, you think a presidential motorcade every weekend is inconvenient to the residents of New York City?  How about a Russian annexation?  How’s that for inconvenient?  Bill, you don’t talk to me that way.  I’m the Commander in Chief!  I don’t have to defend you if New Yorkers suddenly decide they want to be Russian citizens!”

Also in the Babbler:

Fermi Lab confirms we are still in our own universe
Valley View District refuses to teach alien theory of Thanksgiving
Trump advisors tell Mayor Claar to sue anyone who runs against him
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/24/16

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

No comments: