Monday, November 28, 2016

New World Order recruits Jackie Traynere to run against Mayor Claar

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By Reporter X

Sources confirm that the New World Order recruited Will County Board member Jackie Traynere to run against Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar.  The NWO hopes she can defeat defeat Claar, who defected to the Illuminati following President Elect Donald Trump’s victory earlier this month.

Traynere, according to sources who have relatives who work for the county, was initially reluctant to run against Claar.  She explained that she had just been reelected to the board.  

NWO administrator Jordon Z. Blankenship, said he explained to her what was at stake in the April 2017 election.  “Not only is this the last chance for the NWO to peacefully retake Clow UFO Base, this is also a proxy vote for the fate of the human race.  Do Bolingbrook residents want to follow Roger down the Illuminati’s path of global kakistocracy, or do they want to return to  the New World Order’s path of global harmony that has enriched Bolingbrook over the decades.  Their vote will decide how the NWO should proceed.”

Traynere, according to the sources, accepted their offer, and agreed to join the new Bolingbrook United party.  In return, the NWO promised to appoint Sen. Bernie Sanders to modify the NWO’s global agenda.

She allegedly said, “We need new new order that works for everyone, not just the .00001 percent.  If you do that, then I will proudly take down Roger for you!”

Blankenship says he is excited about the Bolingbrook United party’s chances.  “Unlike Citizens for a Better Bolingbrook, we’ve put together the best slate of candidates to destroy, I mean defeat Roger.  Bolingbrook has a choice: Embrace competent and compassionate government, or vote for the cruel mysticism of the Illuminati!” 

Despite the backing of the NWO and Bolingbrook United, many experts believe the mayoral race will be a close one.  “Yes, the NWO has a lot of resources, and many residents didn’t vote for Trump.”   said one expert who asked not to be identified.  “Keep in mind that the Illuminati will be pouring their considerable resources into the race, and I suspect that the Russians will want to help Roger as well.  So I wouldn’t be surprised if Russian fake news sites focused on Bolingbrook go online over the next few months.  This could be the like the Presidential Election all over again.”  She added, “Don’t be surprised if your conservative neighbors tell you that her cleaning company uses Dihydrogen Monoxide and the ‘lamestream media’ won’t tell you.”

A spokesperson for Bolingbrook Untied denied that the party has any ties to the NWO.  “We are a diverse party that represents the diversity of Bolingbrook.” she said.

When called, Claar answered the phone and said, “I will be the unanimous choice of all the legal voters.  Welcome to the Trump United States of America.  Ford!  Don’t laugh.  The ’n’ is silent!”

Also in the Babbler:

Valley View upholds ban on aliens athletes 
CFI’s feline fellows comfort distraught atheists
Trump denies then admits to knowing Mayor Claar 
God to smite Bolingbrook on 12/2/16

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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