Monday, November 7, 2016

Letters to the Editor: Time to vote!

By Doug Fields
Reader’s Editor

Our long national nightmare is almost over with.  Bolingbrook residents, along with the rest of the nation, will be voting for our next President.  Will we decide to make Hillary Clinton our first female President?  Will we make Donald Trump our President and hope something is left of our country after four years?

Loyal readers know that we support Clinton, and we’ve stated our reasons why.  We also asked for your thoughts, and boy did you respond.  Here are the best letters we received.

To the Editor:

The Skepchick Party is proud to support Hillary Clinton, who will not only be the first female President, but will also be the first awesome President ever!  

Hillary will need your help.  Our government doesn’t work right now, and if you elect the wrong Congress, it still won’t work.  You need a plan to elect leaders who make our government work again, and keep our country great!

Skepchick, has a post that can help you make your own plan!  If you elect the right people, we can have a government that will not only fight woo, but will build the foundation for a great 21st Century!

Paula Z. Appleton
Head Facilitator of Bolingbrook’s Skepchick Party

To the Editor:

If the Babbler supports Clinton, then I’m supporting Trump!  Do I really need another reason?

Name withheld by request
Bolingbrook, IL

To the Editor:

I’m supporting Gary Johnson because of freedom!

Barry X Kleinhelm
Bolingbrook, IL

To the Editor: 

Jill Stein is the only Presidential candidate who can save humanity for environmental disaster and protect our children from WiFi signals!

If you’re not voting for Jill, then vote for Trump!  Because his administration will result in the mercy killing of humanity, while Hillary will kill us all slowly!  I don’t want to die from small wars, and half-assed environmental policies that will do nothing to stop climate change.  I want to be vaporized in huge Trump nuclear war!

Give me Jill, or give me an extinction level event!

Apple L. Dawn
Bolingbrook, IL

To the Editor:

I support Evan McMullin because the best man to fight terrorism is a former CIA operations officer!

But don’t bother wasting your time writing in his name in Illinois.  Tell your friends in Utah to vote for him.  If he wins Utah, Trump and Clinton won’t have enough electoral college votes to win.  The House of Representatives will decide who will be President.  That’s means Republicans won’t have to support Trump, and Democrats can show their independence by abandoning Clinton!  Everyone will win.

Some unenlightened people might be mad that a man who could only win one state could become President.  I saw this is no time to be mad!  We live in a republic, not a  democracy.  Trump and Clinton have shown that democracy does not work.  A covert operative is the best man to lead a covert war against terrorism, and what would be more covert than a McMullin victory?

Blake Z. Thompkinson
Provo, UT

Also in the Babbler:

Sources: Trump supports Bolingbrook annexing Chicago
Raelians promise to remove swastika’s on their UFOs
Physicists say Dark Energy propelled Cubs to World Series championship
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/9/16

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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