Could the Cubs upcoming World Series match up with the Indians lead to the apocalypse? Some local pagans fear that the answer is yes.
Bunny, priestess of the Bolingbrook/Naperville Pagan Meetup Circle, explained her concerns. “Powerful spirits have used their powers to prevent both teams from winning the World Series. Both teams have overcome their spiritual efforts, but when both groups of spirits are in the same stadium, there will be a great spiritual war. The likes of which has never been seen since the tree spirits fought the machine spirits in the 19th Century. We’re talking major war. You might even see them on live TV if you are close enough.”
Moonbeam, priestess of the Chicago Pagan Windy Circle Meetup, doubts that the spirits will be visible, but fears the fallout of the matchup. “When one team is on the verge of winning, the spirits might summon the nuclear war spirits to wake up and attack. It will be the end of all life on Earth! How could MLB be so reckless with our future.”
Woodchuck preset of the Deerfield Pagan Unitarian Circle, feels that nothing will happen during the game, but the effect will be seen afterwards. “I fear that this World Series is a sign that Donald Trump will win this election and bring about an age of darkness. Which might not be a bad thing, because science and reason always get in the way of magic and spirit worship.”
Regardless of their theories, Pagan priests from Illinois and Ohio will work together to mitigate the spiritual risks this World Series game may cause.
“If we are lucky, the worst that will happen is a riot that destroys the winning city.” said Moonbeam.
Chuck Z. Williams, spokesperson for the Bolingbrook Skeptics, doubts that anything spiritual will happen during the game. “All this World Series game means is if your team is competently managed, the players stay healthy, and the fans are supportive enough, they have a good chance of winning it all. All this woo around baseball is unacceptable. As soon as we finish purging the skeptical movement of the un-pure, we will move on to purging all woo from Baseball.
Representatives from both teams refused to comment for this story.
Also in the Babbler:
Chicago residents open fire on angel
Werebears celebrate Cubs World Series appearance
Sources: Bolingbrook could be temporary US Capital if Trump loses
Russian special forces unit returns to Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/30/16