Monday, August 29, 2016

Humanistic Jewish missionaries visit Bolingbrook

Lynda and Andrew knocked on the door of a Bolingbrook ranch house.  An older women answered the door.

“Shabbat Shalom!”  Said Andrew.  “We have traveled all the way from The Birmingham Temple to see you.”

Lynda holds up a bottle.  “We bring wine.”

Andrew holds up a book, “And the collected works of Rabbi Sherwin T Wine!

“Let us teach you the many ways you can be good Jew without God!”

The old woman slammed the door.

“What can you do?”  said Lynda as she shrugged.

Andrew and Lynda are members of team of Humanistic Judaic missionaries from the Detroit area.  Their goal is to find enough secular jews to form a congregation in the Southwest suburbs.  Currently, believers in Humanistic Judaism  are served in the Chicago area by Kol Hadash and Beth Chaverim

“Granted we didn’t ask the local Rabbis permission to do this.”  said Andrew.  “Normally we just put up web pages, and speak where we’re invited to speak.  We decided to take it to the next level.  We can’t expect most secular jews to come to expensive events.  We have to come to them, and bring them the real good news.  This will be so successful that it will be better to ask them for forgiveness than to seek their permission.”

Most people were not home on this day in Bolingbrook.  Many of those who answered slammed the door in the middle of the speech.  Some were angered.

“No God!  No Torah!  No way!  And cover up your hands.  You’re showing too much skin.”

Others received an education.  Like a woman who asked not to be identified.  “I would like to help, but the only jewish member of my family was my deceased grandfather.”

“That’s OK.”  said Lynda.  “If you have any connection to the tribe, we consider you part of the tribe!”


“Yes, and if you help us hire a rabbi, he or she will get you up to speed for a reasonable membership fee.”


Another man also felt the visit was educational.  “I used to wonder why they were taking their time to rebuild the Temple of Jerusalem because I want Jesus to come back now.  I now understand that they have their own lives and goals.  Not sure about the not believing in God part, but the rest sounds great!”

When the couple stopped by Mayor Roger Claar’s house, he opened the door and offered advice.  “There are many faiths here, and you’re welcome to join them.  Just don’t build a tax exempt building within my village!”

At the end of the day, a man was happy to hear the couple’s speech.  “No God!  No Yarmulkes,  and no laws!  I was lost but have lead me to the promised belief!”

Andrew, Lynda, and other Humanists missionaries will be in Bolingbrook until September 1.

Also in the Babbler:

Soviets fail to flood Bolingbrook
Bolingbrook Skeptics demand total ban on local psychics
Claar:  Donald Trump is not visiting me!
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/31/16

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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