Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Drunk alien arrested at Bolingbrook Jubilee

An alien from an unidentified star system was arrested at the Bolingbrook Jubilee.  Men in Blue arrested the being after it tried to disrupt Jaycee’s Bingo Game.
An eyewitness described the scene.  “This alien was slurping down ice cream, and yelling.  It said Trump was the best human leader and that he would make bingo games great again.  It complained about the low payouts.  I wanted to say that a Trump bingo game would result in him taking all the money and leaving us with the boards.  I didn’t think that was wise because it could eat me.”

After ranting for about three minutes, Men in Blue calmly approached the being.  It stumbled at first, then peacefully accompanied the Men as they escorted it away from Village Hall.  As they left, an identified member of the Jaycees yelled that her father would make sure the alien was punished.

“We believe this alien was drunk on dairy products.”  said a source within the Department of Interstellar Affairs.  “Let me be clear that the majority of visitors are responsible attendees, and many said they enjoyed the rides and booths at this year’s Jubilee.”  The source refused to state what happened to the alien.

A receptionist for Mayor Roger Claar said he could not be disturbed.  In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said, “I just had the worst nap!  I dreamt that Jeb Bush lost the Republican Primary.  Not only did I become a Trump delegate, I told NPR that I was an enthusiastic supporter!  What a dream!  Of course the reality is that Jeb Bush won, and he's about to blow out Bernie Sanders, right?”

Also in the Babbler:

Skeptics crack down on Internet posts critical of them
Bolingbrook’s only New Black Panther Party member resigns
Naperville threatens to build moat in case of Clinton victory
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/26/16

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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