Monday, July 4, 2016

Web Exclusive: Five skeptics arrested at Bolingbrook Golf Club sit-in

Five skeptics were arrested this morning following sit-in at the Bolingbrook Golf Club. The protesters had hoped to disrupt the All American Celebration scheduled for today.

The protest was organized by the Bolingbrook Skeptics to call attention to what they believe is the “overwhelming presence of woo” in Bolingbrook.  Around 7 AM, 20 people gathered at one of the street entrances to the Golf Club.  Five of them sat down in an attempt to block access.

“We are here at this appropriate intersection to protest the imperialist provers of Woo who are imposing their stupidity upon Bolingbrook!”  One of the protesters yelled into a mega phone.  She then turned towards another protestor and asked, “Did I use the right social justice terms?”

Bolingbrook Skeptics said they would not leave until their demands were met.  The president of the group then presented a list of their demands to a Bolingbrook police officer:

  • A meeting with Mayor Roger Claar.
  • Ban the sale of all homeopathic products in Bolingbrook.
  • All psychics must be approved by the Bolingbrook Skeptics before they operate in Bolingbrook.
  • No more business licenses granted to chiropractors.
  • Three year jail sentences for practicing acupuncture in Bolingbrook
  • Revoke the business license in Bolingbrook that prints or posts on the Internet stories that promote believe in UFOs, Bigfoot, Ghosts, and other paranormal beliefs.
  • Revoke voting privileges for anyone cannot tell the difference between quantum physics and magic.
  • Require all residents to attend special speaking engagements, to be paid for by the village.
  • Quarantine all residents who refuse to be vaccinated.

Around 10 AM, a disheveled Claar walked up to the protesters.  He introduced himself and then shook the hands of each of the protesters, asking for their names.  

Claar then addressed them.  “Even though your protest woke me up, at an unreasonable hour, I have met one of your demands.  Now get out of here, or my police department arrest you.  And no, we’re not continuing this meeting while I’m taking my aspirin and Bloody Mary!”

Most of the protesters walked across the street, while five stayed behind.  Bolingbrook police officers promptly dragged them several feet to a police ban.  Most of the protesters chanted, “James Randi!  He’s OK!  He makes woo go away!”

One however, did have a complaint.  “This hurts!  I knew we should have taken that civil disobedience class before doing this!”

Though the skeptics failed to delay the opening of the All America Celebration, and no other media outlets covered the protest, Peter Zinn, spokesperson for the group, declared it a success.  “Today, we stood up and said that Woo is not welcome here.  We also showed the world what real activism is and what are true social justice causes.  Look at Black Lives Matter.  They staged a sit-in during the Toronto Pride Parade to protest racism.  Really?  Don’t they know that it’s impossible for Canadians to be racists?”

A friend then said, “You’re forgetting something.”

“That’s right.  PZ Myers sucks and this event proved it!”

The Bolingbrook Police Department and PZ Myers refused to comment.

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