Monday, July 25, 2016

Russian Special Operations Forces soldiers spotted canvassing for Trump in Bolingbrook

Did members of Russia’s Special Operations Forces canvas Bolingbrook on behalf of Donald Trump?  Several eyewitness believe so.

Jack, who asked that we not use his last name, claims that three men, wearing urban camouflage and speaking with Russian accents, visited.

According to him, after exchanging pleasantries, the leader go to the point.  “We are real Americans helping Donald Trump fight to make Great America.”  The men then each pulled out a ballistic knife.  “We trust that you will vote for Trump or stay home.  Right?”

Louis, an anonymous Trump supporter, also described a visit from the Russian soldiers.  According him, he opened the door and the leader spoke.  “You are strong strong Second Amendment supporter.  Here is your free AK-105 and free ammo.  Tune into UZB-76 for further instructions.  Remember to use your new rifle to point out Hillary supporters.”  Louis said the other two men laughed.

According to other witnesses, the soldiers tried to stage a protest.  They agree that one of the soldiers walked down Monroe RD, yelling, “All lives are black matter!”  The other two knocked on doors.  One of them allegedly said, “ Black matter scary.  Vote Trump!”

Patrons at Tailgaters say they saw the three soldiers sitting in a booth.  Many witnesses say one of them yelled, “USA!  USA!  We drink Vodka all the way!”  Another said, “After today, Donald Trump will be further in debt to us.  The payment will be huge!”  All three men laughed.

When finally confronted by the police in the parking lot, the men stalled until a Mil Mi-24 flew overhead.  The leader yelled that they should be let go, or else they would release Mayor Roger Claar’s e-mails.  Ropes dropped from the helicopter, and the soldiers grabbed them.  As they ascended to the sky, the leader yelled, “Make us make America Great again!”  The craft then flew away.

Claar, the Illinois National Guard, the Department of Defense, and the Clinton campaign had no comment.

Also in the Babbler:

Pro-Sanders aliens promise not to destroy Bolingbrook during the convention
Pro-Trump zombies spotted in Bolingbrook
Naperville considers building its own wall
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/30/16

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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