Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Live Pokemon terrorizes Bolingbrook

A half dozen Bolingbrook residents claim to have seen a live Pokemon roaming around Bolingbrook.

Promotional image of a Pikachu
Doug, who asked that we not use his last name, may have been the first to see the creature.  “I was playing Pokemon Go, when I saw a Pikachu on my screen, but there was no Poke Ball icon.  I shook my phone, then started to give up.  When I lowered my phone, I saw a real life Pikachu staring at me.  When it said “Pikachu,” I knew it was I right.  You should have seen me run away.  Trust me, electric mice are scary in person!”

Bob, who refused to give his last name because he a Trump supporter, also claims to have seen the creature.  “It was standing right by my Trump sign.  I thought it was some foreign creature trying to eat my sign.  So I turned my garden hose towards it and sprayed water on it.  Wow!  Let me tell you, I’ve never received such a shock in my life!  The worst part happened after the thing left.  My African American neighbor said, ‘Hey Bob!  We look alike now.’  That made me so mad that I wanted to grab my gun and shoot it.  But then I realized it was probably better to wash up.”

Though the Bolingbrook Police department denied the presence of a Pokemon in Bolingbrook, many residents claimed to have several police cars patrolling their neighborhoods.

Joan, who refused to give her last name because “I’m too old for Pokemon” claims she saw a gathering of Nintendo employees and police officers at Jaycee Park.  “The Nintendo people said that Pikachus don’t like to be captured, can be convinced to join up with people.  They also explained that they were breeding real Pokemon for use in the next game.  I didn’t want to think about that.”

Joan, and other witnesses, say that the Pikachu was lured when the employees started playing rave music and then dancing to the music.  Children started dancing with the happy Pikachu, while the police backed away.

One employee allegedly told the Pikachu that they would take her back to Jen.  The Pikachu clapped and blurted out “Pikachu!”  He or she then followed the employees onto a tour bus.  The bus then started the long drive back to Redmond Washington.

When this reporter called Mayor Roger Claar’s office, the receptionist said he was busy talking to a Pokemon Go player.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said, “George, why am I not surprised to see you playing a kids’ game?”

Also in the Babbler:

Anti-Trump delegates to nominate Claar for Vice-president, says source
Bolingbrook communists refuse to endorse Clinton
Israel establishes settlement near Joliet
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/16/16

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