Monday, June 20, 2016

Game of Thrones fans riot at Clow UFO Base

Did this scene from Game of Throne inspire aliens to riot?
By Reporter X

Warning:  Spoilers for the Game of Thrones Episode: Battle of the Bastards.

Over 100 aliens rioted at Clow UFO Base following the broadcast of the most recent Game of Thrones episode.  Clow reports75 arrests and an undisclosed amount of damage to the base.

A source connected to Clow’s security team said blamed Clow officials for the fans getting out of control.  “Most of our team was so busy focusing on the NBA Finals watching parties, that we forgot about the Game of Thrones watching parties.”

Initially, the parties were peaceful.  Gol Paco, from Alpha Centauri, said she spent most of her savings to make the trip to Clow.  “HBO Interstellar doesn’t show first run episodes of Game of Thrones. I watched the first eight episodes of this season thanks to smugglers.  When they the authorities killed them, I was mad, because I wanted to see how this season ends.  So I had to make the trip.”

After the episode ended, many aliens took to the corridors to celebrate the Stark family’s victory against sadistic ruler Ramsay Bolton.  One reveler yelled, “After six years, something good finally happened to the Starks! I no longer feel guilty for watching the Starks suffer!”

According to some eyewitnesses, the violence began when some aliens started drinking goat cheese shakes.  

Said another source connect to the security team, “The show said that fermented goat’s milk makes humans drunk.  It also makes some of our visitors very drunk and violent.”  

Eyewitnesses aren’t not sure if the riot started over an argument about why Rickon ran in a straight line as Ramsay shot arrows, or whether Yara Stark should marry Daenerys Targaryen.  At some point, the fans started smashing windows and setting Segways on fire.

“Winter is coming!”  One rioter yelled.  “Let’s start a fire!”

Using a combination of riot foam and physical restraint by the Men in Blue, the Riot ended after 15 minutes.  Several were injured, but there were no reported fatalities.

A lawyer for one of the accused rioters vowed to get her client off on First Amendment grounds.

“That particular section of Clow is managed by the United States government, and that means my client has the right to do anything as long has he is saying something!  My client was saying how much he loves Game of Thrones.  So I call upon Mayor Roger Claar to apologize for arresting him.  UFO bases can burn.  The Constitution is sacred!”

When reached for comment, Claar replied, “I’m sorry, I’m not a fan of Iron Man.  We are talking about the Marvel shows, right?”

Sources at Clow say they will allow for viewing parties of the season finale, but promise tighter security during the broadcast.

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