Monday, May 23, 2016

We get letters: The godless are not amused

by Doug Fields
Reader’s Editor

It is summer time.  For most God-fearing Americans, it’s vacation time.  For the godless, it’s convention season.  Conventions allow them to come together and harness their collective energy to block out God’s love.  (Our webmaster might disagree with that, but that’s another article.)

Oddly enough, this has inspired atheists, to use the PC term, to write letters to us.

This first letter about the American Humanist Association, which just happens to be holding a convention in Chicago.
To the Editor: 
Now I don’t believe in the atheist movement, and I don’t follow their so-called leaders.  When I heard that they were splintering into four groups, I was displeased.  The outraged Social Justice Warriors have asserted their dogma into Humanism, by forcing the creation of a black group, a female group, and a gay group!  I don’t want Atheism+ in my humanism.  I want a humanism that only focuses on the fact that there is no god, and each of us can do whatever we want!
David X. Garrett
Bolingbrook, OH
First of all, there is no such place as Bolingbrook, OH, but we can let that slide.

Second of all, you’re wrong.  Not only about the existence of God, you are also wrong but about humanism.  All of the Humanist Manifestos aren’t that far removed from the Communist Manifesto, if I may say so.  Even the more moderate Humanist Manifesto III contains the line, “We seek to minimize the inequities of circumstance and ability, and we support a just distribution of nature's resources and the fruits of human effort so that as many as possible can enjoy a good life.”

Our webmaster also says that AHA is not splintering.  Their social justice coordinator, Sincere Kirabo, goes into greater detail than I have the space for.  Our webmaster also adds, “Mr. Garrett isn’t standing up to Atheism+.  He’s advocating for Humanism-.”  Whatever that means.

Back to the subject of conventions, apparently a lot of godless New Yorkers were upset by a speaker at one of their conventions, and they felt the need to tell us.  A lot of the letters looked the same, which raised my suspicions.  They were confirmed when someone accidentally sent us the original template.
To the Editor:
I just (read about, heard about, actually listened to) John Horgan’s speech at the Northeast Conference on Science and Skepticism.  I am (any word, but avoid words that convey emotion, like “angry” or “outraged”).  Doesn’t he understand that we might fight belief in Bigfoot because (it promotes environmental policies that our biggest donors don’t like, forces skeptical shows off science cable channels, will bring about a dark age)?  Doesn’t he understand that Homeopathy (diverts money away from our organizations, promotes a foolish form of quantum physics, will bring about a dark age)?  Doesn’t he understand that UFO believers (end up committing suicide, are just like Christians, are working to bring about another dark age)?  (Obligatory slam of PZ Myers).  (Unfavorable comparison of John Horgan to Social Justice Warriors).  (Mention a great man in science) and John is not like (that man).  Listen to any great skeptical thinker, like (link to Orac blog post or Dr. Steven Novella’s blog post) to learn just how much of a poor thinker he is. John actually believes (world peace is possible, anti-depressants make people more depressed, there’s only one universe).  I call upon all reasonable, unemotional people to stand up and tell John to sit down
Your name here
Your city here
Do not mention New York City Skeptics anywhere in your letter.

Finally, if you’re one of the godless who miss the annual intersection wishful thinking and skepticism in Las Vegas, the Center for Inquiry has the answer for you.
To the Editor:
Are you a (insert community name here) skeptic who is in the closet?  Then come on out to CFICon!  Just like TAM, only in October!  We’ll even have James Randi give a speech.  We hope you’ll recall some of your amazing memories, and sign up for the next generation of amazing conventions!  Plus we have more female speakers than ever in the history of Las Vegas skeptical events!  Which means more females for you to talk to!  (Must abide by the code conduct.  Center for Inquiry cannot guarantee any interactions with a person of a gender identity you find attractive.)  Richard Dawkins will also present, which means you know who won’t be here!  So take a few days away from the uncritical masses, and join us for a fun-filled week as we struggle to preserve the enlightenment!
Not a CFI PR person
Not writing from ohwhoamikidding? 
Speaking only for myself, I wish the godless a happy convention season, and want to remind them that Jesus loves them, where they want him to or not.

Also in the Babbler:

Drew Peterson charged with attempting to hire alien assassins 
Trump party vows to ‘make Bolingbrook great again’
Men in Blue search for alien bank robber
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/28/16

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