Monday, May 30, 2016

Interstellar Jews visit Chicagoland to study Earth’s religions

Twenty teenagers from a solar system colonized by the lost tribes of Israel visited Chicagoland to meet with local religious leaders.  The visit is part of their confirmation education.
Instructor Jacob Asher explained the program.  “Since we reestablished contact with Erets in 2012, we’ve brought our adolescents here to learn about our history, and the history of religions here.  We don’t want to force our kids to believe anything.  Instead, we think that once they experience other religions, they will embrace our secular judaism.”

Asher said the churches, synagogues, and mosques they visited in Chicago were welcoming, but some leaders were suspicious.

“One person said she was confused because she thought the Kol Hadash class had already visited.  I told her that we were with the Beth Chaverim confirmation class.  They bought it.”

One student, Bethe, said their was an incident at Christian church.

“My friend Lynda told the minister she thought Christianity was stupid, and it was just a bunch of gentiles who were jealous of our culture.  The minister recited a quote about only fools not believing in God.  She said she could prove him wrong. Bloy!  Lynda punched him, then said, ‘Jesus forgive me.’  Then she punched him again and said, ‘Jesus forgive me. Now your God has forgiven me.  Are you going to?’  Fortunately, we don’t believe in that, and we made her atone.”

Rebekka said she was worried when they visited Masjid Al-Islan in Bolingbrook.  “They were really nice.  I don’t why Donald Trump wants to ban them.  Still, I didn’t agree with their argument for God.  I guess its more for people who think you should pray to a god more than once a night.”

A rabbi, who asked not to be identified, described his meeting with the class as polite but tense.  “We did not get off to a good start. They greeted me by saying, ‘shalom shabbat.  I told them the correct version was ‘Shabbat shalom.’  One student said I was wrong.  Me?  Wrong?  I think the space radiation went to their heads.”

The students concluded their visit with a trip to the Illinois Holocaust Museum and Eduction Center.

“That was moving.” said Rebekka.  “It’s one thing to follow a religion’s practices, like spending all of the Sabbath in a sleep tube.  It’s another thing to kill over a religion.  I’m still working out what I believe, but when I do, I hope it doesn’t involve killing people who disagree with me.”

Also in the Babbler:

Mayor Claar remembers the forgotten victims of the Bolingbrook Time War
Zombies rise in honor of Memorial Day
Clow UFO Base practices for mass exodus in case of Trump victory
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/2/16

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