Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Village of Bolingbrook braces for contested Presidential conventions

Chief Tom Ross grimly watches the monitors showing the chaos inside and around Bolingbrook.  Pro-Ted Cruz militias celebrate after seizing Clow Airport.  Militant Pro-Hillary Clinton Meetup groups control The Promenade.  Bernie Sanders supporters dance in the parking lot as Bolingbrook High School burns.
“The whole world is Berning!”  One protestor yells at a security camera.

Military units loyal to Donald Trump lay siege on Mayor Roger Claar’s home, demanding that he acknowledge Trump as the one true Republican nominee.  Claar’s repeated offers of alcohol to the troops are refused.

Feeling slighted by Hillary Clinton, Black Lives Matter protesters have shutdown all highways in the major cities.  Hundreds are blocking the interchange between I-355 and I-55.

Deputy Mayor Leroy Brown, severely wounded, limps into the command center to assume command.  Seconds later, a video message from Republican nominee appears on the screen.

“You guys are doing a heck of a job.”  said Jeb Bush.  “You don’t need my help to fix things.”

This was one of many scenarios gamed out by the Public Safety Department.  According to sources within the department, the village needs to be prepared in case both the Democratic and Republican conventions become brokered conventions.  Some officials fear that Democratic voters could rise up if the Super Delegates have the deciding vote for the nomination.  There are also concerns that Donald Trump supporters could rise up if the nomination vote goes past the first round.

“If there is even a .0001 percent chance that this country will descend into anarchy if both parties don’t have a scripted national convention, we have to be prepared.”  said one source.  “The only warning we might get are Bernie Sanders supporters throwing fire bombs at Village Hall.”

Another source agrees that the village should be prepared.

“If Bernie supporters think the establishment has stolen this election, they might be tempted to become revolutionaries.  And I don’t mean the kind that sell newspapers in Chicago.  I mean that kind that are willing to kill people until they’ve taken over the government.  Never mind that he was the one who put the super delegates into a position to decide this election.  On the other hand, Hillary’s supporters might be driven over the edge if she loses a second time.  They might hire people to convert their harmless drones into killer drones.  We could have drone warfare in our country.  Drone warfare should only happen in other less developed countries.  Not here!”

When asked to comment, a receptionist for Claar denied that the village was preparing for a violent uprising.

“Really guys.”  she said.  “We both know that the American people are too apathetic to start a revolution today.  They’ll just treat the conventions as an expensive reality show.  When its over, they’ll go back to their lives.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar could be heard talking on the phone.


“Hi Doctor.  The State Republican Committee says I can’t skip the Republican convention unless I’m having surgery that week.  Can you schedule a surgery for me?  I don’t care.  Just something that gets me out of the convention.  Besides brain surgery!”

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