By Reporter X
Bolingbrook’s Men in Blue arrested alien supporters of Donald Trump after their craft fired on a UFO with a Sen Ted Cruz presidential campaign logo. No causalities were reported on either ship, though both ships sustained heavy damage.
Bolingbrook’s Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs praised security officials at Clow UFO Base for their handling of the dog fight.
“Thanks to our interceptor pilots, our S.W.A.T. team, and our strong Men in Blue, the situation was under control before either craft crashed. Emotions are high on in the Republican campaign, but that does not excuse any visitor from initiating ariel assaults.”
Both crafts were on their way to Wisconsin to advertise for their candidates. The Wisconsin Primary is considered a must-win for both candidates, UFO advertising is considered a major key to victory.
Koligo, commander of the Ted Cruz ship, claims her crew did nothing wrong. “I was just supporting my ex-lover. We had a thing before he married Heidi, so don’t get the wrong idea. Ted is so sexy. Where was I? Yeah. We were on our designated flight path when those brutish Trump supporters started attacking us! Their ship is just like Trump: Flashy and full of worthless (Expletive deleted)!”
Doug Z. Roberson, lawyer from the Trump crew, tells a different story. “She started it! She flew her ship into my clients path and almost caused a mid-air collision! Now I’m not sexist, but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to blame her feminine flying skills for this incident. The mere fact that she is a woman supporting Ted proves she has poor judgement. All women love Donald once they get to know him!”
Clow officials stress that this is the first violent incident this year since UFOs were allowed to display political ads this political season.
“Most crews don’t care about politics.” said one anonymous official. “They just want the covert credits. We shouldn’t focus on this one shooting incident. We should focus on how well behaved our visitors have been. The Clinton and Sanders UFOs haven’t been shooting at each other, and we know how high tensions have been between those two.”
Wisconsin flyovers are expected to continue until the primary on Tuesday. “Abduction canvassing” has been banned since April 1.
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