Monday, March 14, 2016

Rochelle Reader: Trump supporters accused of shooting at UFOs

Donald Trump (file image by Michael Vadon)
By Reporter X

Officials at Rochelle IL’s Hub 35 UFO Base believe Trump supporters are shooting at UFO as they try to land.

Thomas Xavier, the New World Order’s Director of UFO Base Operations in Illinois, denounced the attacks.  “We don’t mind when Donald Trump stirs things up at his rallies.  We do mind when his supporters start shooting at our visitors.  This needs to stop.”

Xox Knox, a visitor from Kepler 186 f, says her ship was attacked as it flew over Rochelle.

“When the sensors lite up, I thought it was a malfunction.  Instead, someone was shooting at us with a hunting rifle.  The shells held, but I was so mad, that I almost returned fire.  Unfortunately, you’re laws prevent us from properly defending our honor!”

Doug, who asked that we not use his last name for fear of being visited by the Men in Black, defended shooting at UFOs.  

“There are thousands of aliens flying over Rochelle everyday.  How can we know that all of them are here legally?  We don’t!  That’s why we need to ban UFOs until we can figure out what’s going on in my galaxy.  If Obama can’t persuade them to stay away with his words, I’ll do it with my gun!”

A spokesperson for Trump said the campaign was looking into paying the legal fees of anyone who shot at a true alien spacecraft.

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