Sunday, December 6, 2015

Rochelle Reader: Hanukkah Harry ticketed for speeding in Malta

File photo of Hanukkah Harry.
An anonymous Malta, IL police officer ticketed Hanukkah Harry, a Jewish elf, for speeding over Malta, IL.

“I looked up in the sky and saw a flying cart being pulled by three flying Donkeys.  It looked like it was flying below 1000 feet, so that meant it was subject to our speed limits.  Let me tell you, that cart was going faster than 40 miles per hour!”

The officer said that after a quick Google search, he found Harry’s mailing address.  The ticket will be mailed to Harry on Monday.

“The speed limit is the speed limit.  I don’t care if you’re Santa or a UFO.  You can’t go above 40 miles per hour in our town!”

Hanukkah Harry, according to many sources, travels around the world, teaching Jewish children the story of Hanukkah.  If the parents ask, he give children practical gifts.

A lawyer who claims to represent Harry says the cart was on its way to Rockford, and questioned the legality of Malta’s ariel speed limit.

“We never hear about Santa getting speeding tickets, and he has to move eight times as fast as Santa does.  No, this is just a small town trying to take advantage of a lesser known elf.  Even Iran is nicer towards Harry than Malta is!”

When this reporter tried to flag down Harry, he merely yelled, “on Moische,  on Herschel, on Schlomo.  May all your candles burn long and bright on each and every Hanukkah night!”

Also in the Reader:

Supersonic trains frighten residents
Vampires spotted in Oregon
Creston ghosts promise to be nice on Christmas
God to bless Rochelle this week

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