|Governor Bruce Rauner|
Could Governor Rauner’s recent ban on Syrian refugees be expanded to include other refugee groups? Sources with friends in Springfield say yes.
“Once you accept that a governor can decide who can and cannot resettle in their state, the sky’s the limit!” Said one source.
The sources agree that Rauner could enact popular refugee bans, such as bans on Afghan refugees, Iraqi refugees, and Greek Refugees. They also say that he’s considering expanding the definition of “refugee” so he can enact more “unconventional bans.”
“We know that there are liberals who are fleeing Wisconsin. If we could get them declared refugees, then we can ban them from Illinois. Like Illinois needs more Democratic voters.”
Anther source listed other possible redefined groups he could define as refugees.
“You know all those protests in Missouri? All we have to do is declare a refugee crisis, and wham! No protesters moving to Illinois at all! Sure we’d trap innocent Republicans in Missouri, but that’s the price we have to pay to protect the feelings of university presidents and police officers in Illinois.”
Don, a Wisconsin resident currently visiting Illinois, is outraged at Rauner’s possible new refugee bans.
“I’m a Bears fan, and Wisconsin can be an unbearable place to live in during football season. If the Pack is winning, my neighbors will constantly least me. If they’re losing, they’ll yell at me. If the Bears win, well I can’t talk about what they do to me. I can handle it now, but it could change, and I want the option to flee to Illinois if I have to. Rauner wants me to suffer because he’s afraid I might be a secret Packer. What kind of heartless billionaire is he? I’m sorry. That’s redundant.”
Randal, who lives on the West side of Chicago, is also concerned about Rauner’s possible plans.
“I studied hard in school, and now I’m in line for a great job in Bolingbrook. What if Rauner decides that I’m really a refugee from Chicago, and I could be a secret gang member? I’m trying to escape the criminals and bad influences here. I’m not one of them, and I don’t want to be trapped with them!”
A spokesperson for Rauner denied that there are plans to change the definition of “refugee” in Illinois. She also clarified his position on Syrian refugees.
“The governor cannot actually stop refugees from entering the state, but we can refuse to provide support if the Federal Government settles any refugees. If any refugee comes to the attention of the State Police, well, lets just say I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes.”
Also in the Babbler:
Downers Grove man fakes autism after filming embarrassing video
Aliens join Black Lives Matter demonstration at Clow UFO Base
Revived caveman to campaign for Trump
God to spare Bolingbrook this week