Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Donald Trump and David Koch clash at Illuminati sponsored debate

Donald Trump and David Koch each delivered a fiery performances at an Illuminati sponsored debate in Chicago.  The winner of the debate will select the Republican Party’s nominee.

Trump started with a rare showing of humility to the grand council members.

“I want to thank you for giving me this opportunity to prove that I am the best billionaire to run this country.  I also want to thank you for crashing the stock market this week, which will only strengthen my standing in the polls.”

Trump then stressed that his candidacy would revolutionize the way the Illuminati controls the United States.

“This grand council is doing the business the same way it always has since the 1800.  You give money to powerful people, like me, to buy politicians on your behalf.  That is inefficient.  There are too many things that can go wrong.  I say we cut out the contract employees, I mean politicians, and let me run things.”

Image by freddhompson
When it was Koch’s turn, he shook his hand and defended the practice of hiring politicians control the government.

“Once The Donald finally says something to alienate voters, he’s finished as an influence peddler.  Just ask me.  I lost to Jimmy Carter in the 1980 Presidential election and I was never nominated again.  That’s how low I had sunk.  Today, my brother and I can buy a politician to enact our agenda.  If the rabble lose respect for him, we can always hire another one, and our agenda will continue.  Donald, if you lose, you will lose everything in politics.  Invest in us, and I can guarantee you a 100% return on your investment over your lifetime.”

Trump was not impressed.

“Illinois is the most corrupt state in the country, and don’t even get me started on Chicago.  Yet it still does better than Wisconsin! Which I should remind you is a state that you manage through Scott Walker.”

Koch defended his business skills.  

Koch Industries has been successful for decades, while you have declared bankruptcy four times.  You’re only successful because of the money you inherited from your father.  Now I can respect that, but if you were my politician, I would fire you.”

Trump quickly countered.

“For people like us, bankruptcy is way to keep our personal wealth safe, cancel business debt, and restructure our organizations to be more efficient.  I’ll go further.  If I am selected to be President, I will declare the country bankrupt, and use the International Monetary Fund’s power to reorganize our government.  Let me tell you, by the end of my first 100 days, there will be no more birthright citizenship, no more supreme court, no more yellow journalism, and a lean Congress that will only write the laws I want them to write.”

After the debate, surrogates from both sides tried to spin the outcome of the debate.

“Trump really knew how to speak to the council.”  Said Acolyte Jacob.  “I’m sure that if selected, Donald will not only make our country great again, he’ll lead the Illuminati to victory against he New World Order!”

Lesser Dokcat Martin stressed Koch’s experience with politicians.

“Not only does David know how to pick politicians, he knows the right way to buy their victories.  Kansas is only the beginning, and I know the Council will put their trust in David to hire the best President for this country.”

The Illuminati are expected to announce the winner of the debate in two weeks.

Also in the Babbler:

Bolingbrook braces for economic meltdown
Skeptic Ben Radford promises not to sue Bigfoot if they leave North America
New Chicago ghosts struggle to find vacant haunts

God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/29/15

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