Saturday, August 15, 2015

2015: Clow UFO Base survives Styx reunion concert

By Reporter X

Despite the odds, Styx, reunited with vocalist Dennis DeYoung and performed at the Clow UFO Base Celebration of Bolingbrook’s 50th Anniversary concert.

“50 years!”  DeYoung said to the audience.  “You know this village is only five years older than this band is.  Keep on rocking, Bolingbrook!”

The reunion came about when the emperor of the Komet Empire told Mayor Roger Claar that he wanted to see the “classic lineup” of Styx perform at the concert.  The emperor told Claar that he enjoyed their performance at Clow UFO Base in 1981 and wanted to see that lineup again.  Claar explained that one of the members died, but he would gather the surviving members for the concert.

According to sources, Claar approached the current members of Styx and told them to reunite with DeYoung.

“Your mayor said that we had to do a concert with Dennis.”  Said Tommy Shaw.  “I told him there was no way we would ever perform with him again.  Then he brought out his Men in Blue.  He told us that we didn’t understand.  This was a command performance, and we didn’t have the option to refuse.  He also explained that if we didn’t perform, aliens would wipe us out during a concert.  Dying is preferable to performing with Dennis, but we didn’t want our fans to die too.”

The first joint rehearsal didn’t go well.  According to eyewitnesses, DeYoung wanted to perform the rock opera “Mr. Roboto,” while the rest of the band just wanted to perform fan favorites.  Both sides argued for several minutes before Claar broke up the fight.

Shaw said he was mad because he wanted to play hard rock music, but DeYoung wanted to play “mushy” music.

Claar was not impressed.  “I have two words for you.  Damn.  Yankees.

Claar then addressed the entire band.

“You’re not angry young men anymore.  All of you sound like cynical old men now.  You fooling yourselves if you think you can avoid this concert.  You'll be killing your fans and you'd better believe it.  Because there’s a sinister plan out there in case you don’t perform.  So start acting like a band that cares about the fate of humanity.  Get on your feet and be the band that no one can beat!”

After several minutes, James Young broke the silence.  “Let’s rock!”

The actual concert was well received, though an announcer had to remind the audience several times that the lasers on stage were not death rays, but were a simulation of a 1970s laser light show.

“For a band with such a morbid name, they sure are fun to listen so.”  Said Otoblco from Kepler 452-B.

For the final encore, all the surviving current and former members of Styx came on stage and performed “Come Sail Away.” During the performance, two shapeshifting aliens in the form of South Park characters, ran on stage, then stage dived before they could be captured.

“It wasn’t planned.”  Said Chuck Panozzo.  “But the crowd loved it.”

After the concert, all members seemed satisfied.

“Now that Dennis has his reunion fever out of his system, I hope he never plays with us again.”  Said Shaw.  “From now on, we will always be the rock band our fans really wanted!”

DeYoung said the concert provided him with new opportunities.

“Roger asked me to compose a rock opera for his re-election campaign, and I just booked solo tour dates for Alpha Centauri.  It feels like 1981 all over again, and this time the paradise won't stop rocking!”

Also in the Babbler:

Claar bans Trump from offering limo rides at Bolingbrook Jubilee 
Black Lives Matter Chicago plans to disrupt Black Lives Matter Bolingbrook event
Rock aliens hail success of Fantastic Four boycott

God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/16/15.

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