Friday, August 14, 2015

2002: New Bolingbrook Golf Club to double as an emergency command center


Sources within Bolingbrook’s village hall say the recently opened Bolingbrook Golf Club also houses an emergency command center.

“There is a reason it looks like a castle.”  Said a source.  “If the terrorists attack Bolingbrook, this is where will coordinate the counterattack!”

The sources say the new Golf Club, in addition to housing a golf course, has approximately 100 automated ground turrets, over 20 anti-aircraft batteries, a small hospital, an underground bunker, and a subway that connects the golf club with village hall, and Mayor Claar’s home.

Steve, a source close to Claar, added more information about the Golf Club.

“I can’t believe people really believe we spent $35 million on a secluded golf club miles away from any businesses.  That’s just a cover.  This is really an investment in Bolingbrook’s safety.”

Steve also says that the golf club will house over 10 urban combat vehicles, and store military grade equipment.

Said another source, “in the unlikely even that terrorists provoke our residents into having unruly protests, we’ll be ready for them.”

When reached, for comment, Claar denied the existence of a command center at the Golf Club.

“We don’t need a command center.  Village Hall is just fine for any kind of emergency response.  Plus I have a feeling that President Bush will keep us safe this time.”

Also in the Babbler:
TSA screener fails to detect laser gun at Midway
Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires spotted in Naperville
Lake Michigan monster spotted in Chicago

God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/1/02

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