Wednesday, August 12, 2015

1987: Alien deported for pirate television transmission

By Reporter X

After a short hearing, Mayor Roger Claar deported an alien from Barnard’s Star who hijacked the transmission signal from WTTW.  The alien named, Glizbub, is also bared from returning to Earth for the next one thousand years.

Claar explained the sentence to Glizbub.  “One the most important rules when visiting Earth is not to transmit any messages over television or radio.  Your disgusting and moronic message to the people of Chicago is the most severe violation of the rule ever!  I should kill you, but this isn’t Area 51.  I’m just going to send you away.”

Glizbub protested the ruling.  “Aw Roger.  You can do this to me.  I wore a human disguise over my Max Headroom disguise.  I was even nice by having a female human hit my exposed human posterior.”

“That was the worst part!”  Claar countered.  “There could have been children watching that transmission!  We don’t show our exposed butts to children on television.”

“But Bobby—”

“I'm not Mayor Bailey! You’ll have one thousand years to figure that out.  Now go!”

Claar then addressed the other aliens in the courtroom.

“Next time you feel the need to use to broadcast something stupid, just send the tape to a public access station!  It will be broadcast, but no one will be watching it!”

Also in the Babbler:

Alien not allowed to play for The Bears
Sources: Reagan has forgotten about Clow UFO Base
Sen. Paul Simon endorses construction of UFO base in Chicago
Communists spotted at UIC

God to smite Bolingbrook on 12/1/87

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