Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Sources: Mayor Claar considering Presidential run

Could Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar join the ever growing field of Republican Presidential candidates?

A source insists that Claar is close to jumping into the crowded Republican Presidential primary.

“He said, ‘Steve, if a man of Donald Trump’s stature can run for President of the United States, there’s no reason I shouldn’t run too.’  I have to say, he makes a compelling argument.”

According to other sources, Claar does not expect to win the nomination, and may drop out before the Iowa Caucuses.  He hopes that a short Presidential campaign help him win reelection as mayor in 2017.

Steve explained.  “If he campaigns for President, he’ll get to rub elbows with some very powerful donors, including the Koch brothers.  So if campaigns wisely for president, he’ll still have lots of money left over for a mayoral run.  Plus he’ll also have super PAC support as well.  Combine that with having his face plastered in all the major media outlets for at least a year, he’ll have unbeatable name recognition in Bolingbrook.  Heck, I’m willing to bet that people will be moving to Bolingbrook just to vote for him in 2017!”

Steve believes that Claar will announce his candidacy during the Bolingbrook July 4th celebration.  With only days to go, Steve says that Claar is running an “expedited exploratory period.”

Carl, who asked that we not use his last name, claims that Claar contacted him about his campaign.  Carl, who lives in Cedar Rapids, used to be a Bolingbrook resident.

“Roger asked if I remembered him.  I said yes.  Then he asked if I still liked him.  I told him that when I lived in Bolingbrook, I thought he was OK.  Then he said, ‘Good!  I want you to run my Iowa campaign.’  I said yes.  Then he asked about the Iowa Straw Poll.  I told him it was canceled.  Then he said, ’It’s a good thing I have you in charge of Iowa.’  It’s going to be an interesting few months.”

Though he has not made any announcements, the pro-Trump political action committee, “You’re Fired up!” is already planning a series of attack ads against Claar.

Said an anonymous source.  “The Donald needs to be in the top ten if he wants to make it into the first debate.  We can’t risk Roger bumping him out of the top ten.  The Donald the only candidate who has successfully been loaned money, and gotten out of paying it back!  If anyone can get the US out of debt, it’s The Donald!”

When reached for comment, Claar denied he was running for President.

“I don’t need to run for any other office because I am Bolingbrook, and that is all I need!”

Also in the Babbler:

Russian agents fail to defeat Blackhawks
Clow UFO Base still open for business
Pluto ambassador invites Mayor Claar to visit during New Horizons flyby

God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/20/15

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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