Monday, May 11, 2015

Sources: Mayor Claar threatens to impose Holacracy on Village Hall



Could Bolingbrook become the first government to implement Holacracy for its departments?

According to some sources, if the village loses revenue from the state, Holacracy, a nearly leaderless way of managing organizations, could be used to save money.

According to Steve, a source close to Mayor Roger Claar, Holacracy is a very appealing option.  “For starters, by getting rid of middle management, we can pay our staff a single flat rate.  Most people would gt a pay raise, while the former managers would take a sizable pay cut.  That’s big savings right there.  Wait!  it gets even better!  When Zappos decided to transition to Holacracy, 210 employees, or 14 percent of their workforce, decided to accept buyouts.  They fired themselves!  If with buyouts, imagine how much money the village could save if 14 percent of our staff quit!”

Steve added that the salaries of elected officials would not be affected if the village implemented Holacracy.  

Another source, who asked to remain anonymous, believes the rumored implementation of Holacracy is just a bargaining tactic to use against the municipal unions.  “I think Roger’s goal here is to frighting the unions so much that they’ll give him anything he wants.  Sure, it’s one thing to be an anarchist when you’re young and stupid.  It’s another thing to actually work in an anarchistic environment.  The unions will cave before accepting Holacracy.”

When this reporter called HoilacracyOne LLC, several employees fought over who should be interviewed.  After five minutes, someone hung up the phone.  Several return calls were not answered.

Claar, in a phone interview, denied that the village would implement Holacracy, and denied ever hearing of the practice.  When explained to him, he replied, “Wait a minute!  Do I look like a Silicon Valley entrepreneur to you?  Do you seriously expect impose such a (expletive deleted) on my staff?”

Also in the Babbler:

Soviets threaten to unleash tornados on Illinois
George Zimmerman shot at UFO, claims alien crew
Chicago steps up efforts to clear out Southside to make room for UFO base

God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/14/15

Could Bolingbrook become the first government to implement Holacracy for its departments?

According to some sources, if the village loses revenue from the state, Holacracy, a nearly leaderless way of managing organizations, could be used to save money.

According to Steve, a source close to Mayor Roger Claar, Holacracy is a very appealing option.  “For starters, by getting rid of middle management, we can pay our staff a single flat rate.  Most people would gt a pay raise, while the former managers would take a sizable pay cut.  That’s big savings right there.  Wait!  it gets even better!  When Zappos decided to transition to Holacracy, 210 employees, or 14 percent of their workforce, decided to accept buyouts.  They fired themselves!  If with buyouts, imagine how much money the village could save if 14 percent of our staff quit!”

Steve added that the salaries of elected officials would not be affected if the village implemented Holacracy.  

Another source, who asked to remain anonymous, believes the rumored implementation of Holacracy is just a bargaining tactic to use against the municipal unions.  “I think Roger’s goal here is to frighting the unions so much that they’ll give him anything he wants.  Sure, it’s one thing to be an anarchist when you’re young and stupid.  It’s another thing to actually work in an anarchistic environment.  The unions will cave before accepting Holacracy.”

When this reporter called HoilacracyOne LLC, several employees fought over who should be interviewed.  After five minutes, someone hung up the phone.  Several return calls were not answered.

Claar, in a phone interview, denied that the village would implement Holacracy, and denied ever hearing of the practice.  When explained to him, he replied, “Wait a minute!  Do I look like a Silicon Valley entrepreneur to you?  Do you seriously expect impose such a (expletive deleted) idea on my staff?”

Also in the Babbler:

Soviets threaten to unleash tornados on Illinois
George Zimmerman shot at UFO, claims alien crew
Chicago steps up efforts to clear out Southside to make room for UFO base

God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/14/15

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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