By Reporter Y
Hub 35 UFO Base sustained minimal damage from a EF4 tornado that struck the Rochelle area on April 9, 2015.
Said Administrator Blake, “This is why most of Hub 35 was built underground. My superiors wanted us to install weather control machines, but they’re still unreliable. Last week, we proved that the best and cheapest place to survive a tornado is underground.”
After the storm, many volunteered to help with the clean up the grounds onto of Hub 35
“Most of the debris came from other people’s homes.” Said Gol, a visitor from Alpha Centauri. “It makes me appreciate the damage wind can cause, even on a small planet like Earth. I was safe, but not everyone outside was.
Obgo, a visitor from Kapteyn, says his craft “surfed” the tornado during the storm.
“Our batteries were kind of low, and we wanted to save some money. So when we detected the tornado, we decided to syphon off some of it’s energy. Plus, I’ll be honest, is fun to surf a tornado, especially when you turn off the stabilizers, and enjoy the bumps and spins. However, I felt guilty when I realized that two people died from the storm. We should have done more to help. I think from now on I will stick to surfing Jupiter’s Great Red Spot. No one dies, unless you run out of fuel.”
Though aliens staying at Hub 35 are currently forbidden from interacting with Rochelle residents, Bogo, another visitor from Kapteyn, confessed to sneaking off base to help with the clean efforts.
“My friends and I use to visit Grubsteakers restaurant every weekend. Now the place is totally destroyed. Their food brought me so much joy, the least I could do was help them clean up. I wish your government would let me use my nanobots to fix the building, but your New World Order won't let me.”
Obgo also admitted to trying to comfort a Rochelle family who lost their home to the storm.
“At night time, I put on my glowing space suit and floated over to their hotel window. When the male came to the door, I told him that I was an angel, and that they should not despair, for the old bearded man in the sky had spared them so they could witness the birth of their savior who lead them to a place of free milk and free honey. He seemed happy, and I thought I was helping. I later learned from the Men in Black that the family was sad because they thought an angel had told them that Jesus wasn’t their savior, and they would have to convert to Judaism. This would mean losing their Christian friends and having to drive to Rockford on Friday nights to attend services. I only wanted to help, but now I understand that it is best not to meddle in human affairs.”
Blake said that all aliens, and humans, who want to help Rochelle recover from the tornado should visit the Rochelle municipal web page for more information.
Also in The Reader:
Rochelle resident says bullets ineffective against tornados
Image of Ayn Rand appears in Tornado debris
Ghosts assist with cleanup efforts
God blesses the survivors of the tornado