|Did space aliens secure the FPB's 2015 victory?|
Bolingbrook’s Art Bell Party is contesting the 2015 Village Board election, claiming that space aliens illegally influenced the final result.
“There is no way we only got 3 votes!” Said Michael Faith, spokesperson for the Art Bell Party. “Even the Skepchick Party got 9 votes! A skeptic would say that our candidates only voted for themselves, and not the other party members. We say it’s more likely aliens used mind control rays on our candidates.”
Faith also claims that Art Bell Party observers witnessed at least 5 disguised space aliens attempting to vote.
Said one anonymous observer, “I asked a woman if she knew who Art Bell is. She gave this very odd laugh and said she didn’t know. Only a fake American wouldn’t know who Art Bell is, space aliens are a kind of fake American!”
The Art Bell Party filed the complaint shortly after incumbents Leroy Brown, Rick Morales, and Patricia Schanks were declared the unofficial winners of the 2015 board election. Experts consulted by The Babbler doubt the complaint will be successful.
“Will County government is under the control of shape-shifting reptoids, and they will reject any election challenge that might expose them.” Said Bob, a Bolingbrook resident with a PhD ABD in UFOlogy. “This shows that Roger will do anything to get his candidates elected!”
The incumbents refused to be interviewed. The First Party for Bolingbrook e-mailed a statement say that their candidates will continue the party’s tradition of abstaining from interviews.
“We prefer to address the public directly through political advertising and Roger’s letter to every citizen of Bolingbrook. Bolingbrook residents are only interested in voting for us, not reading sensationalized stories only designed to sell newspapers.”
A spokesperson for Mayor Roger Claar, leader of the First Party for Bolingbrook, said Claar refuses to speak to any reporters until incumbents are sworn in for another term.
“It is bad luck!”
In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said, “Bob. You may be for Bolingbrook, but I am Bolingbrook! Never underestimate the power of my campaign fund!”
Faith is asking all “freedom loving Bolingbrook residents” to pray for the party to succeed in its challenge.
“Bolingbrook isn’t free as long as aliens can influence our elections!”