Friday, April 3, 2015

Bolingbrook’s political parties speak out: A Decision 2015 Special Report

On Tuesday, April 7th.  Bolingbrook’s residents will select three people to each serve a four year term on the Village Board.  The Babbler asked all of Bolingbrook’s political parties, and independent candidates to submit a brief statement.  To our surprise, we received replies representing all the candidates on the ballot, The First Party for Bolingbrook (Leroy Brown, Patricia Schanks and Rick Morales) and Robert Jaskiewicz.  We also received responses from two write-in parties, The Roger Claar Party, and The Skepchick Party.

“Bob for Bolingbrook”

Note: This was sent to us by a member of Jaskiewicz’s campaign, who asked to remain anonymous.

As most Babbler readers know, there are many unbelievable things in Bolingbrook, like the three First Party for Bolingbrook trustee candidates.

They’ve served at least 12 years on the board, and all they have to show for it are a list of committees they’ve served on and awards they’ve received from politically connected organizations.  What have they actually done?  They claim Leroy Brown created 5,687 jobs in Bolingbrook.  How?  They claim that Patricia Schanks and Rick Morales have years of experience.  Doing what?  Rubber stamping Mayor Roger Claar’s directives?

Robert Jaskiewicz is a true community leader who has served on the Bolingbrook Chamber of Commerce board of directors, The Adventist Hospital board of directors, and the Bolingbrook Police Pension Board.  He’s made sure that the organizations are run fairly, efficiently, and honestly.  He doesn’t believe in sweetheart deals, or profiting off the work of others.

If believe a village trustee should have those qualities, then there’s only one candidate you should vote for.  Bob is for Bolingbrook, and Bolingbrook should be for Bob!

The Roger Claar Party
“A Great Mayor deserves a great party”

Note:  The Roger Claar Party is not affiliated with Mayor Roger Claar.

There is a Bob out there.  Some say he’s not like the other Bob that opposed the Great Mayor Roger Claar.  Other’s aren’t sure.  

Some say that it’s worth risking Bolingbrook’s future because they don’t like a few of Roger’s many difficult decisions.  Some say we should trust Bob, just like Bolingbrook should have trusted that other Bob.

That other Bob is gone, and his organization is in ruins and its only financial supporter is in jail.  Imagine what he could have done to Bolingbrook?

Do you want to take a chance with another Bob?

We say no.  We say stay the course, and support Mayor Roger Claar!  We are the only party that fully supports Roger, and the future he represents!

The so called “First Party for Bolingbrook” can’t say that.  Their candidates are hiding from shadow of Bob.  When Roger need surgery, did any of them offer to donate blood or their organs to them?  No.  We would have, but only a restraining order kept us from asking him in person!

On April 7, vote for the only party that would make the ultimate sacrifice for Roger, because he is still the future of Bolingbrook!

Dave Nelson
Chairman of The Roger Claar Party

The Skepchick Party
“The Awesome people of Bolingbrook deserve an awesome party”

Note:  This party is not affiliated with nor funded by the Skepchick network. None of the Skepchick bloggers contacted by The Babbler endorsed this party.

Last month, we went to ChiFi, and it was awesome!  We met Rebecca Watson and the other Skepchicks, and they were awesome!  We left the convention feeling awesome!  Now we want to bring the awesome to the Bolingbrook Village Board!

We think Mayor Claar means well, but there is more to running the government than being nice to businesses.  A village board should also look out for the well being of its residents, and that’s where we can help.

Here is our platform for a better Bolingbrook:

  1. Woo Free Village Events  People want to enjoy the Village Picnic without some chiropractor, homeopath, or alternative medicine guru forcing nonsense on them.  If elected, we will insist that only science based health providers be allowed at village events.  Misinformation has no place at village events!
  2. Religious Neutrality:  Sure “Religious Liberty” sounds nice, until your life is threatened because a doctor won’t treat you for a religious reason, or you can’t eat at one of our fine restaurants because the owner says he only serves believers in The Flying Spaghetti Monster.  If elected to the board, we will make sure that the village serves and protects all residents, and that religious selfishness has no place here.
  3. Support for all genders: Unlike The First Party for Bolingbrook, we understand that there are more than two genders.  If elected, we will make sure that all genders feel welcome when dealing with the village.  All village facilities will have gender neutral bathrooms!  All village forms will list more gender options, and all village employees will politely ask for your preferred pronouns.  We firmly believe that greater diversity will lead to a greater Bolingbrook!
  4. A campaign fund that’s only used for campaigning!  A quick glance at Roger’s campaign fund expenditures shows that he has a very liberal definition of what a “campaign expenditure” is.  Out of state hotel bills?  Gas for his car?  Donations to charities and other political campaigns?  We believe that a campaign fund should only be used for your campaign, and not as supplemental income.  If elected, any additional donations beyond what we need will be returned to the donors.  Instead we will ask them to donate to worthy causes, like Rebecca Watson’s Patreon page, Surly Amy’s Patreon page, or Foundation Beyond Belief. We don’t want the appearance that we’re being influenced by campaign donors!  

Why are we running candidates for village trustee?  Because you’re awesome, and you deserve to be represented by an awesome party!

Coordinator for The Skepchick Party

Vote for all three of our candidates!

Note: This was submitted by a party member who asked to remain anonymous.

We are the only political party in Bolingbrook endorsed by Mayor Roger Claar, funded by Roger and running candidates approved by Roger!

*Drops the mike*

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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