Thursday, March 26, 2015

Web Exclusive! Hundreds of alien refugees flee Indiana into Illinois

Fearing possible persecution, hundreds of aliens fled Indiana’s UFO bases after Governor Mike Pence signed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. 

Both of Illinois major UFO bases, Clow UFO Base in Bolingbrook and Hub 35 in Rochelle, are experiencing record breaking influx of visitors, many of whom left Indiana with only their space suit and a few days of supplies.

Thomas Xavier, the New World Order’s overseer for Illinois’s UFO bases, expressed confidence that both bases could handle the sudden arrival of refugees.

“Illinois was built by immigrants, and we know how to handle immigrants.  Indiana’s misfortune is Illinois’s gain.”

While supporters of the law say it will prevent local governments from creating an undue burden on religious believers, critics and aliens claim the law will allow discrimination if it can be backed up by religious belief.

Despite reassurances by officials in Indiana’s Stellar Outreach department, many aliens, like Pochku, choose to flee.

“I am a lesbian demisexual solo polyamorous space alien.  Do you think any Earth religion is going to tolerate me?  You religions can’t even handle mixed fabric.  Now its considered an undue burden to prevent a religious person from discriminating against me, or worse, killing me.  Indiana is a horrible state of mind!”

Loadock, a former resident of Heltonville UFO Base, claims that a local resident shot at the base, minutes after the bill was signed.

“The human was immediately approached by the local police.  He just smiled and held up his Bible.  He said that the Bible tells him that aliens are demons, and his religious beliefs require him to shoot at us.  Arresting him would place an undue burden on his religious beliefs.  The police let him go.  How bluegoo is that?”

Loadock claims that once the alien visitors were informed of the incident, they panicked.

“Most had their own ships, but several of us were stuck without a craft.  We couldn’t take a chance by waiting.”  

The aliens without a UFO, according to Loadock, tried to either bribe, fight or sneak onto a departing craft.

“I will never forget the sight of dozens of beings falling to their deaths as a spacecraft rose into the air.  I hope Indiana chokes on its religious freedom!”

Xavier insisted that the panic is unnecessary.

“All UFO bases are considered interstellar territory.  They are immune from state and national laws.  All New World Order bases are discrimination free zones, and, with the exception of Area 51, seek to provide a safe space for all visitors!”

Sarah, a spokesperson for Americans United for the Separation of Church and State, expressed sympathy for the aliens plight.  “Religious freedom does not mean the freedom to discriminate.  These laws need to be stopped, or else the United States will lose universal knowledge because of fundamentalism!  Americans United is dedicated to stopping both religious and atheist extremists from abusing the power of government to impose their beliefs on others!  Don’t tell Chris Stedman I talked to you guys!”

Dave, a spokesperson for God’s Indiana, is glad aliens are leaving Indiana.

“They don’t belong here.  The Bible states in plain English that any one not from this Earth is either a devil or angel.  Anyone connected to the New World Order is a devil, and we must smite them.  The government has the burden of proving us wrong!”

Indiana officials could not be reached for comment.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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