By Reporter X
Clow UFO Base security confirmed that they had detained a man known formerly known on the Internet as Mr. Washington. They accused him of attempting to break into Bolingbrook’s UFO base and meet with its alien visitors.
Said an anonymous source, “He was trying to find one of the hidden entrances to the base, and obviously had no idea where to look. It was obvious he wasn’t going to leave the airport area until he found an entrance to the base. So we had our plain clothed officers take him in. Fortunately he cooperated, otherwise we’d have to send in the Men in Blue to deal with him.”
According to other sources, Washington he was desperate to find some way to restart The Watch Dogs of Bolingbrook, a group that from 2009 until 2013, sought to remove Mayor Roger Claar from office. Despite poor showings in the 2009 and 2011 elections, and not running candidates in 2013, Washington insisted that the group still has thousands of supporters.
“Our blog still gets hits!” He said, according to sources. “Every time I look at the blog, the hit counter goes up!”
He told security officials that the only reason the group folded due to Claar “forming an alliance with the Mob, The New World Order, and Anonymous.” He blames this alliance for framing George D. Smith for attempted child abduction and covering up his military record.
“George is the greatest military mind ever! If it weren’t for Roger, he would be defeating ISIS and Russia!” Washington allegedly said.
Washington then explained he has spent the past two years trying to get “Inter Poll” to arrest Claar for “crimes agains humanity in his administration of Bolingbrook.” He finally gave up, and wanted to ask Bolingbrook’s alien visitors to assist him. According to the sources, Washington wanted the aliens bring Watch Dogs leader Bonnie Kurowski-Alicea back to Bolingbrook and protect her from “Roger’s evil minions.” Specifically, he wanted them to transport the Florida subdivision she lives in to Bolingbrook. Then he wanted them to “rescue” Smith and secure him in the subdivision. Once both were established as residents Bolingbrook again, he said, “the residents will rise up and overthrow Roger. This time I mean it!”
When security officials asked what would happen to the other residents of the subdivision, he said they would gladly support her because the aliens would leave the board members of the homeowners association back in Florida.
Washington was released after three hours, and warned not to search for Clow UFO Base again.
Washington and Smith could not be reached for comment.
A person who claimed to be a spokesperson for Kurowski-Alicea sent an e-mail, which partly read, “Wherever Bonnie goes, she always manages to uncover corruption. We don’t care what the Facebook page of Verde Ridge HOA says! Bonnie’s current blog reveals the truth! Today she will bring justice to a homeowners association. Tomorrow, she will bring justice to Florida. After that, she will bring justice to the United State (sic) and bring Roger to justice! She has only begun to fight!”
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