Thursday, January 22, 2015

Rochelle Reader: Hub 35 to host #FtBcon interstellar track.

By Reporter Y

UFO Base Hub 35, though not fully operational, will host FtBcon interstellar track of programing this weekend.

FtBcon is an online convention organized by the controversial Freethought Blogs Network, which is a collection of godless bloggers.  Though most of the tracks can be accessed from the convention’s web page, the interstellar tracks will only be accessible through the Interstellar Internet.  This programing track will feature prominent atheist bloggers interacting with alien atheist activists and philosophers.

“This will be the ultimate stress test for Hub 35 before officially opening.”  Said Thomas Xavier, the New World Order’s overseer of Illinois’s UFO Bases.  “The convention will stress our communications systems, and be a dry run for our cloaking systems.   Plus it will test the vigilance of our security personnel and our AIs.  As many of your are aware, FTB is controversial not only with religious fundamentalists, but among atheists as well.  Many will go to great lengths to disrupt this convention.  It will be a challenge to stop them, but I strongly believe that the staff of Hub 35 is up to the challenge.”

Featured programs in the interstellar track include:

  • Richard Carrier debating aliens who claim to have met the historical Jesus
  • A workshop lead by Kylie Sturgess on how to coverup UFO encounters
  • Chana Messinger interviewing the leaders of the formerly lost tribes of Israel
  • Heina Dadabhoy interviewing an alien who claims to be the real founder of Islam

The owner of FTB, Ed Brayton, says he’s excited about the third annual interstellar track of programming.

“The facilities are spartan, but our speakers and panelists will more than make up for it.  See what I did there?”

During the press conference, a member of Slymepit Interstellar started shouting.

“FTBBullies are insignificant!  FTBBullies will destroy the atheist movement!  Their female bloggers are too prudish and sexy!  PZ Myers can’t persuade anyone to be an atheist.  His hoard of followers are mean!  Tell me if anything I said is sticking!”

The being was peacefully escorted out of the room, and later had its memory wiped.

While the outburst highlighted security concerns, the head blogger at BioDork said she was still looking forward to the convention.

“This is the only time of the year I get to meet up with all the beings I’ve made an interstellar connection with!  I can’t wait.”

FTBcon will start on 1/23/15 at 5 PM.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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