Monday, September 1, 2014

Breaking news: Aliens at Clow UFO Base celebrate the removal of JREF president D J Grothe

"Grothetam2011" by Sciguy881 - Own work. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons 
By Reporter X

Hundreds of aliens at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base celebrated DJ Grothe’s removal from the presidency of the James Randi Educational Foundation.

“I dealt with that man, and he was obnoxious!”  Said Quakdouk of the Drezka Corporation.  “You had to send him daily reminders to pay you.  Everyday he would lie and say that the funds were being transmitted as he spoke.  When you called him out for his incompetence, he would blame feminists, people who fight for social justice, and transgendered people for his problems.  Why wasn’t he incinerated sooner?”

From 1996 until 2012, the JREF was the skeptical movement’s official ambassador to the interstellar community.  The JREF lost their ambassador status in 2012 for failure to pay its membership dues to the Interstellar Alliance for the Advancement of Science.  Grothe denied failing to pay the membership dues, though he never provided proof of payment.

Initially, hundreds of aliens gathered along Clow’s ambassador row section to celebrate the removal of Grothe.  After security officials received reports of aliens defacing holograms of Grothe, and vomiting on photographs of him, Clow officials deployed their anti-riot police.

“Hey, we didn’t like DJ either.”  Sadi an anonymous source connect to Clow UFO Base.  “I think he has issues.  But that doesn’t justifying rioting!”

Officials at the Skepchick embassy helped defuse the situation by opening up their bars to the protesters and promising speeches from prominent skeptics.  

“We knew things could get out of hand, and it was the least we could do to help.”  Said Paula Breaker, spokesperson for Skepchick’s Clow Embassy.  “So we thought that bringing people inside, and giving them something to do, it would keep the tear gas from flooding the corridor.  We have anti-harassment policies and our own security to keep the peace.  Plus there are lots of fun things to do in the bar.  Opening our doors was the best decision for everyone involved.”

As promised, Skepchick founder Rebecca Watson addressed the crowd by teleconference.

“I can’t comment any further until I speak with (board member Steven Novella).  I can say that I am relieved that his inane personal tweets will no longer be backed up by a major skeptical organization!”

Former JREF Communications Director Carrie Poppy also address the crowd.

“I posted this on Twitter, and I will say the same thing to you guys.  Today we learned that slactivism can raise millions of dollars, and the only mission creep you should worry about is the creep running your organization!”

No arrests or instances of vandalism were reported following the celebration.

The JREF has not officially announced the reason for Grothe’s removal.  Sources with connections to the JREF claim that armed aliens from an interstellar bill collection agency entered their Los Angeles office and told DJ that the JREF still owed his clients interstellar credits.  Since the JREF no longer had any interstellar credits, Grothe offered them the software and servers for the JREF’s Forum, which they accepted.  Grothe then lied to the board about giving the servers to the aliens.  This, according the sources, prompted the board to fire him.

Other skeptics speculate that Grothe was released because the JREF’s revenue fell from $1.5 million in 2011 to $887,595 in 2013.

Grothe could not be reached for comment.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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