Sunday, July 27, 2014

Alien ambassadors praise Ophelia Benson and Richard Dawkins’s anti-harassment statement

By Reporter X

Ambassadors at Clow UFO Base praised columnist Ophelia Benson and Professor Richard Dawkins for releasing a joint statement condemning harassment within the secular and skeptical communities.

The two leaders released the following statement at a press conference at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base, in response harassment campaigns against secular feminists by secular anti-feminists.  

  It’s not news that allies can’t always agree on everything. People who rely on reason rather than dogma to think about the world are bound to disagree about some things.
"Ophelia Benson at CFI WIS-May 18 2012" by BDEngler 

  Disagreement is inevitable, but bullying and harassment are not. If we want secularism and atheism to gain respect, we have to be able to disagree with each other without trying to destroy each other.  In other words we have to be able to manage disagreement ethically, like reasonable adults, as opposed to brawling like enraged children who need a nap. It should go without saying, but this means no death threats, rape threats, attacks on people’s appearance, age, race, sex, size, haircut; no photoshopping people into demeaning images, no vulgar epithets.
  Richard adds: I’m told that some people think I tacitly endorse such things even if I don’t indulge in them. Needless to say, I’m horrified by that suggestion. Any person who tries to intimidate members of our community with threats or harassment is in no way my ally and is only weakening the atheist movement by silencing its voices and driving away support.

File photo of Richard Dawkins
La Gost, Control Leader of the Interstellar Alliance for the Advancement of Science, praised Benson and Dawkins for working together.

“For humanity to be accepted into greater interstellar community, it must renounce primitive religions, learn empathy, and embrace critical thinking.  We had tasked Earth’s secular community to work towards this goal.  Your so-called deep rifts have hampered your efforts.  This joint statement is a step in the right direction.”

During the conference, other ambassadors praised the two secular activists.

Said the Kiaylom ambassador, “During our process of transcending gender roles, we realized that simply ignoring gender wasn’t enough.  We had to deal with our sexism and Cis-genderism.  It was a painful, but worth while path.  We are glad to see your movement is starting on this path.”

Said Dogok of the Sardar Confederation, “This is great!  I look forward to the day I can read both Freethought Blogs and Richard Dawkins without fear of upsetting your secular community!”

Dawkins and Benson denied that the statement was related to their organizations’ efforts to be recognized as ambassadors from Earth’s skeptical movement.

Said Benson, “Freethought Blogs has an excellent working relationship with Skepchick and Center for Inquiry.  While we’d like to be ambassadors in our own right, it is not a requirement.  This statement came about because Richard and I agree there is a problem in our community that needed to be addressed.

Added Dawkins, “After I was removed from the Interstellar Internet, I had some time for reflection.  I didn’t understand why La Gost kept saying I needed to do more for the secular community.  I created the New Atheist Movement.  What more could I do?  Ophelia showed me the immature members of our community who were creating problems.  We needed to make this statement, and I don’t care how that affects my foundation’s application!”

There were two disruptions during the conference.  The first occurred when the alien christians and aliens muslims started chanting that Benson and Dawkins would go to hell spreading disbelief on Earth.  The protestors were escorted out of the room, and no arrests were made.  The second occurred when and alien general stood up and called Dawkins a traitor.  

“I brought my fleet here so we could join your civil war!  I was told you were going annihilate those who opposed you.  Now I’m here, and I see you surrendering!  You are a disgrace to all men in the Universe!  Down with the feminism that gives women too much freedom!  Down with the FTB bullies!”

The general vanished before he could be arrested.

At the end of the conference, Benson picked up a football and asked Dawkins if he would kick it.

“This is in reference to the American Peanuts comic, isn’t it.”  Asked Dawkins.

“Yes it is.”  She replied.  “Only I won’t pull the ball away at the last second.”

“Good.”  Dawkins replied.

After she set up the ball, Dawkins said, “I cannot kick this to the Moon, but I kick it as far as I can.”

With the audience in suspense, Dawkins ran towards the football.  He kick the ball and it flew into a fire alarm button.  The room was soon filled with fire suppression chemicals.

“I let you kick it.”  Benson said as she cleared eyes of the chemical.

“That you did.”  Replied Dawkins.

Also in The Babbler:

Vaccinated children from Central America shame Will County parents
Transcended beings trash movie Lucy
Psychics predict The Bears won’t win the Super Bowl
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/1/14


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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