Sunday, June 15, 2014

Clow UFO Base accepts evacuees from Iraqi UFO base

UFO flees Iraq for Bolingbrook, IL.
(Enhanced from REUTERS/Nour Fourat photo)
By Reporter X

Approximately 400 human and alien evacuees from Iraq’s X259 UFO Base arrived at Clow UFO Base over the weekend.  The New World Order evacuated the base following the fall of the Iraqi city of Mosul to forces from the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria.  

“Let me stress that this is not a refugee crisis.”  Said Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar, who is the head administrator of Clow UFO Base.  “This is a last minute administrative reallocation of extraterrestrial space craft on Earth.  This happens all the time.  It just so happened that a civil war made the New World Order reconsider its plans sooner then intended.”

Claar stressed that Clow had plenty of room and supplies for the arriving evacuees.

According to eyewitnesses, X259, which is located 70 miles SW of Mosul, was under the protection of the Iraqi military and security forces under contract to the New World Order.  When the city fell, the troops started abandoning their posts.

Xo Go Po of Proxima Centauri described the initial shock.

“The troops were taking off their uniforms and driving away.  I asked why, and they said that they their job was to make visitors feel safe.  Not to actually defend us.  Especially against violent militants like ISIS.  The troops told me that they were too violent even al-Qaeda. They said they’d rather take their chances in the desert than face them.”

Other eyewitnesses confirm that after the troops departed, the contractors started demanding more money to protect the base.

Another eyewitness, who asked not to be identified explained, “I heard the security forces say they knew what happened to captured government troops.  They said if the NWO would have to pay more if they wanted to avoid an interstellar incident.”

Various sources confirm that the NWO assessed the situation and decided to evacuate the base rather than risk it falling to ISIS.

“There is no risk of ISIS gaining alien technology.”  Said NWO Liaison Jeff Wagg.  “We even destroyed the underground bunkers after emptying them!”

While all the evacuees expressed relief to be out of Iraq, many were angry that they had to be evacuated in the first place.

“The NWO said we would be safe in Iraq!”  Said Po.  “They said we could study the origin of human civilization in peace.  Now we’re in a suburb of Chicago.  Chicago and Bolingbrook are nice, but they are not the cradle of civilization!”

Wagg defended the NWO’s decision to operate a UFO Base in Iraq.

“Then President George Bush promised to inject microchips into the Iraqi people to subdue them.  Based on that promise, we built the base.  We since learned that the chips didn’t work, and were made by the same company that built phony bomb detectors.  We tried to make the best of a bad situation, and now we feel that a temporary evacuation of the base is the best course of action.”

Wagg also defended the NWO’s situation of Iraq.

“We’re doing our best in the face of Illuminati resistance .  There’s a saying in our organization.  Just because we give new orders doesn’t mean everyone will follow them.  It is just going to take us a few more years to get everyone in the Middle East to follow our orders.”

Claar also assured Bolingbrook’s residents that the evacuees won’t cause any local problems.

“Don’t think of them as refugees.  Think of them as potential customers and job creators!”

Also in The Babbler:

Aliens peacefully enjoy the World Cup
Babbler welcomes new animal hospital to Bolingbrook
Aliens promise not to bring death rays to new shooting range

God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/19/14

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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