Sunday, June 8, 2014

Christian satirist sends Secular Coalition for America into chaos

Is this a Photoshopped image designed to ridicule the atheist movement?
From the blog, Butterflies and Wings.

Christian satirical blogger Joseph of Bolingbrook claimed responsibility for the recent upheaval at the Secular Coalition for America.

According to Joseph, his satirical web page, Global Secular Council, was intended to poke fun at the SCA.  Instead, SCA claimed responsibility for the site.  This lead to a twitter war with blogger Ophelia Benson, and the site itself may have been a factor that lead to the removal of the SCA’s Executive Director Edwina Rogers.

“The secularists just can’t take a joke.”  Said Joseph.  “I proved to them that one man using the creative power of Jesus Christ can bring down one of their organizations.  I mean, how many secular organizations do they really need?  Anyway, they are in chaos, and I am blessed!”

Joseph said God told him to create the GSC web site after he heard about the SCA’s Secular Summit and Lobby Day.

“These unholy people were going to walk into the Capitol Building, which was created to honor God!  So I prayed for guidance and then randomly picked a quote from the Bible.  Luke 4-37 ‘And the fame of him went out into every place of the country round about.’  That meant God wanted me to create a web page.”

Joseph said he was inspired to create of council of “the atheists I hate the most!”  Though he called it global, the members only consisted of Americans, UK residents, and one Swedish national.  The leaders are mostly male, while most of the support staff are female.

“Atheists think they know everything about the world, but really they’re just a much of rich, white, isolated men who worship Ayn Rand.  So I wanted to the council’s membership to reflect that.  Plus all their policy recommendations are from the prospective of the United States Government.  Come on!  An entire section on the US Constitution for a global organization?”

After using Photoshop to create group pictures of the council, he launched the web page and Twitter account.  Though he expected to be attacked by Atheists, he was surprised when the atheist community took him seriously.

“They missed the obvious clues.”  Claimed Joseph.  “My picture of Michael Shermer with his arm around Edwina?  No serious organization would use that as a header image.  None of the leaders having experience in global studies?  Two cats on the advisory board?  I was going to use Anti-psychic Kitty, but I didn’t want to get in trouble with The Babbler.  Still, these people are supposed to be the most reasonable humans on Earth?”

Joseph suspects that the atheist leadership liked the idea of a secular “super group,” and many atheists enjoyed his Twitter war with Benson.

“I wasn’t sure what to do when she started questioning me.  So I let God lead my finger to a Bible quote.  Isaiah 53:9 ‘And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.’  So that meant starting a passive aggressive flame war with her.”

After a several weeks, Joseph claims that Rogers threatened legal action unless he handed over the site and Twitter account to him.  

“The Bible said, Ephesians 6:18 ‘Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.’  So I gave them to her.”

Rogers, he claims, was terminated a few days later.

“They say it was partly because two of her subordinates embezzled $78,805 from the group.  I say it was because they wanted her to take the blame for my web site embarrassing the secular movement.”

Joseph told the SCA that he was going to go to the press with his story.  He claims he was contacted by Matt Dillahunty of the Atheist Experience TV show.  Dillahunty “promised” that his followers and him would “engage in countless debates” with Joseph on Twitter and on his blog if he went public.  He then demonstrated his “debating technique” on a female atheist who called the atheist movement “a joke.”

“I asked God, and he directed me to Matthew 23:24 ‘Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.’  So I decided to tell you guys instead of the mainstream media.”

Benson and Rogers could not be reached for comment.  The SCA wouldn’t comment on the record for this story.  Dillahunty denied knowing Joseph, and promised to “debate” The Babbler if this article is printed.

One SCA member, who asked not to be identified, accused Joseph of lying, and that the GSC was a project of the SCA.

“Right now that project is under review, and I’m doing the first inspection.”  He said while talking on the phone.

Later in the phone call, it sounded like the source entered a room where loud dance music was playing.  One man screamed, “Total freedom!  We love it!”  Another man in the background exclaimed, “I love you man!”  The source told that man to stop hugging him.  The music stopped.

“What is going on? Who is in charge?  What the hell?  You two had better have a good explanation for that.”

“Um, we’re studying the Columbian underground economy?”

As for Joseph, he plans on producing another web site.

“I’m going to start the Illinois Skeptical Congress web page.  They’ll say it represents all skeptics in Illinois, but all the members will be Chicago residents.  I’ll also say it’s a project of Chicago Skeptics.  I wonder if they’ll do a better job of figuring out the truth?”

Also in The Babbler:

Soviets launch cool air attack on Bolingbrook
Clow UFO Base names auditorium after Mayor Roger Claar
Aliens employing Bolingbrook teenagers

God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/12/14

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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