Monday, May 5, 2014

Web Exclusive: Bolingbrook Satanists celebrate Supreme Court ruling

Members of Bolingbrook's satanic church, 1st Bolingbrook Temple of the Morning Star, praised today's Supreme Court ruling in favor of sectarian prayers at government meetings.

"No more watered down invocations!"  Exclaimed High Priest Draven.  "When the mayor asks us to do a invocations, we will be able praise our liberator and teacher Lucifer!"

Currently, Bolingbrook Village Board meetings do not open with an invocation, but Sheldon, Cleric of the Fallen Star, thinks that will change.

"(Mayor Roger) Claar is a Republican.  Republicans believe in using every opportunity to fool people into thinking they worship God.  Trust me.  There will be invocations at the board meetings.  It is only a matter of time."

While many critics of the ruling say it will alienate members of minority religions,  Draven is not concerned about his members.

"Ninety-nine percent of all politicians believe in Satan.  So in the government, we're actually the majority religion!  If our dark liberator so wishes, I'll deliver at least one invocation a year to the politicians of Bolingbrook.  You know how politicians like to pander to both sides.  They'll love the opportunity to finally be able to openly pander to our liberator, Lucifer!"

 When asked to comment if Claar was a believer in Satan, Sheldon replied, "make of it what you will."

Adam Z. Hillinger, president of the Bolingbrook Chapter of American Atheists, said that there should be no prayers at the beginning of any government meeting.

"Boy, The Supreme Court sure knows how to spoil our Cinco De Mayo party!  I feel like our country is turning into a theocracy.  Do you feel that way too?  Why don't you make a tax deductible donation to American Atheists so we can keep putting on our sombreros and shaking our maracas against the corrupting influence of religion!"

When called for a comment, Claar answered the phone and said, "I am not a vegan.  I have never proposed outlawing the sale of meat in Bolingbrook.  As long as you're not a cannibal, you are welcome to dine and shop in Bolingbrook."

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