Sunday, May 11, 2014

Clow UFO Base reopens!

By Reporter X

Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar celebrated the grand reopening of Clow UFO Base with hundreds of dignitaries.

The base, which was closed for repairs after a global abductee uprising in March, reopened this weekend after completing $5 trillion worth of repairs on the UFO Base.  This includes a $1 trillion reflecting pool and museum in honor of the 3,050 staff and soldiers who died during the uprising, and celebrating those who survived and liberated Clow.

“This is a day to reflect on what we lost.”  Claar said during the reopening ceremony. “This is also a day to reflect on what we have gained.  A new, improved Clow UFO Base where beings from across the Universe are free to engage in interstellar commerce and the exchange of ideas!”

Dr. Steven Novella, co-host of The Skeptics Guide to The Universe and a representative of Earth’s skeptical movement, also address the gathered dignitaries.  

“Our movement may have divisions.”  Said Novella.  “The fact that I am being co-sponsored by The Committee for Skeptical Inquiry and Skepchick, shows that we can come together.  The reconstruction of this base shows that we can work together to help you.  With your help, we will bring science and critical thinking to humanity, and our species will be worthy of joining the greater interstellar community.”

Jennifer McCreight, PhD candidate and blogger at The Jenome, was also a featured speaker at the reopening.  Like Novella, she was also co-sponsored by both skeptical groups.

“The progress of a civilization should not be measured just in its scientific knowledge or in its technology.  Just today, Europe selected a drag artist as the winner of a song writing competition, and The NFL drafted its first openly gay player.  There is still more work to be done, especially in my former state of Indiana, but we are making progress.”

President Barack Obama also address the audience, via Holovision.

“I said, ‘yes we can rebuild Clow UFO Base,’ and today, we did rebuild Clow.  It is amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t have to deal with Congress.”

An alien in the audience shouted, “Benghazi” during the speech.  She was detained, but then released when she explained that she thought the word meant she supported the President.  

The aliens who toured the new facility had nothing but praise for the reconstruction effort.

Said Opgot Sygot, “the invisible shelters at Americana Estates were OK, but I prefer staying at the new and improved Clow UFO Base!  It is closer to one of the many hearts of Bolingbrook!”

Jeff Wagg, the New World Order’s liaison to Clow UFO Base, praised the reconstruction effort.

“I love my new office, but it is sad that it took a criminal act for me to get one.  So I resolve to make sure that Clow UFO Base will remain worthy of those who gave so much so that we could enjoy this gateway to the stars!”

Clow reconstruction was paid for by a loan by The New World order, that also went towards reconstructing North America’s UFO Bases.  All UFO bases on Earth are expected to be operational by the end of this week.

Also in The Babbler:

Scientists fear an outbreak of Indiana Respiratory Syndrome
The Babbler celebrates the mothers of Bolingbrook!
Atheist teens slam God in front of approving parents

God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/14/14

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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