Sunday, April 27, 2014

Sources: MSNBC to produce Bolingbrook documentary


Will MSNBC produce a documentary about Bolingbrook?  Some sources with ties to relatives with friends who work at MSNBC say yes.

“Thanks to CNN’s Chicagoland documentary, Chicago is a hot property.”  Said one source who insisted on being called Paul.  “Unfortunately, we can’t just do another documentary set in Chicago because it would look too much like we were copying CNN, which we are.”

The sources agree that MSNBC decided to do a series based in a Chicago suburb.  After hours of discussion, they narrowed the choices down to Naperville and Bolingbrook.  The decision, according to a source, came down to their desire to appease the Republican Party.

Said a source, who asked to be called Amy, “this whole ‘liberal alternative’ to Fox News thing just isn’t working out.  It’s ticks off Republicans because we have talk shows that are critical of them.  It also ticks off liberals because they think we’re trying to fool them into supporting a media conglomerate, which we are.  Liberals know that the moment a liberal host says something we don’t like, we’ll force them out.  Just ask Martin Bashir, Keith Olbermann, and Phil Donahue.  Plus liberals notice when you give Joe Scarborough three hours of air time, and Rachel Maddow only one.”

All the sources agreed that after pre-production work, Bolingbrook became the obvious choice.  While Naperville expressed concerns about how a documentary would affect the city’s reputation, Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar seemed open to the idea, provided that could choose the producers, select the camera angles during his interviews, and bring in his own “consultants” to advise the producers.  In return, Claar promised that all local businesses would sponsor the program.

“It was like free money!”  Said Paul.  “All we had to do was make it look like a hard news program.”

While agreeing to most of his demands, MSNBC did “lean forward” on Claar for one concession.

“He agreed to let us interview former Bolingbrook Mayor Edward Rosenthal,” said Amy.  “We could only use 10 minutes of film from the interviews, but it will be enough to satisfy our liberal consumers.  I mean viewers.”

The sources also said that they liked Bolingbrook for its diverse population and “pro-business leadership.”

“We can’t let CNBC have all the fun.  This show will make Bolingbrook look good, and make the Illinois Republican Party feel good!  When the Illinois Republican Party feels good, the Republican Party establishment isn’t far behind!”

When asked to comment, a spokesperson for Claar replied, “we can save time and money by producing our own documentary about Bolingbrook and uploading it to YouTube.  I’m sure it would reach more viewers than MSNBC could.”

When reached for comment, an MSNBC spokesperson referred this reporter to Maddow.  As of the deadline, this reporter was still trying to decipher her comments.

Also in The Babbler:

Chicago denies paying Pluto to install air conditioning in Chicago’s schools
Sources: Valley View to bring back year round classes unless parents stop complaining
Bolingbrook refuses to annex Florida subdivision

God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/2/14

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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