Sunday, March 9, 2014

Abductee uprising! A Bolingbrook Babbler special report.

Two UFOs dogfight over Clow UFO Base.

By Reporter X

What started as a surprise attack inside a UFO hanger turned into the bloodiest conflict at Clow UFO Base since the Bolingbrook Time War.  After a week of fighting, sources estimate the total casualties at over 2900.  Damages to Clow UFO Base are expected to be in the trillions of dollars.

The attack on Clow was part of a larger surprise attack against all of the New World Order’s global UFO bases, and against UFO bases on planets with civilizations that have not been brought into the interstellar community.  Total causalities on Earth could reach as high as 100,000, and damages could exceed all nations’ combined net worth.

Bolingbrook’s mayor Roger Claar praised the NWO and Clow security forces.

“These brave men and women fought to preserve Bolingbrook’s freedom and the right of every resident to have a gateway to the stars in their community.

Claar also urged all residents to fly the Bolingbrook Flag in honor of those who died liberating Clow from the invaders.

The invaders claimed they were an army of former and liberated UFO abductees from around the galaxy.  Armed by “advanced civilizations sympathetic to our cause,” they said their interstellar upraising was their attempt to “liberate indigenous civilization from the exploitation from imperialistic interstellar civilization.”  They specifically called for an end to experimentation on the citizens of uninitiated civilizations and for all civilizations to be made aware of the existence of the interstellar community.

Malcom Z. Jamison, leader of the forces attacking Clow, said that Bolingbrook’s leaders were especially culpable because Bolingbrook regulates alien abductions.

“I was abducted several times before I turned 18, and I blame Roger!  While I was being probed, his family was enjoying special immunity from the humiliating acts.  Roger is a war criminal!”

Jamison also accused Earth’s skeptical movement of committing crimes against humanity. 

“They pretend to be superior thinkers, but just as they cover up predators among their ranks, they also cover up the predators from the stars who violate our bodily autonomy!”

The first attack on Clow, began the night of March 1, as troops hiding in a cargo shop stormed out of this ship.  Aided by the Anonymous Collective, they managed to secure the landing bays, and shut down Clow’s air and space defenses.  This allowed reinforcements to land and take over more of Clow.  

At the peak of the invasion, the alleged former abductees controlled over 50 percent of Clow, and besieged the Skepchick and Committee for Skeptical Inquiry’s consulates.  

Said Skepchick official Donna, “We kept our spirits up by playing Cards against Humanity.  It was better than worrying what would happen if our force field failed.” Donna also added 

The CSI’s consulate was breached when one of their negotiators ordered the force field lowered.

Said an anonymous CSI official.  “One of the negotiators thought if bashed Skepchick enough, the invaders would like us, and become CSI members.  It didn’t work out that way.  It was a good thing the New World Order troops arrived when they did, otherwise we’d be facing a kangaroo court.  I think we learned that an army thinks we’re a bunch of war criminals, bashing Rebecca Watson is not the way to defuse the situation.”

Once the NWO’s space force was able to prevent the invader’s UFOs from entering the solar system, Clow security forces, with the help of the NWO’s army, were able to launch a days long campaign to retake Clow.  The abductee invaders were finally invaded after H.A.A.R.P. fired several beams at Clow.  According to eyewitnesses, the last surviving invader yelled that they could take his life, but the world would know the truth by reading The Daily Grail web site.  The fighter then charged the security forces and was killed.

NWO liaison to Clow Jeff Wagg was held by the invaders as a POW, and released unharmed.

“Well they didn’t let me starve or die of thirst.  So in that sense they treated me well.  However, I was a prisoner of war, so it wasn’t a pleasant experience.”

Clow and NWO officials expect Clow UFO Base to be operational again in May.  Clow Airport was unaffected by the fighting and will remain open.

For more stories about the Interstellar Abductee Uprising, including accounts from Area 51, and more of the Interview with Jamison, pickup the print edition of The Babbler at any Bolingbrook Newsstand.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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