Thursday, January 30, 2014

New World Order unveils College of Curiosity at FTBCon Interstellar

New World Order employee Jeff Wagg
By Reporter X

The New World Order unveiled it’s new pro-science initiative, College of Curiosity during FTBCon Interstellar 2 held at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base.

“We want to use the power of human curiosity and creativity to promote a scientific understanding of the universe.”  Said Jeff Wagg, the NWO Liaison for Clow UFO Base. Wagg explained that this is part of the NWO program to help humanity reach the goals set by the Interstellar Alliance for the Advancement of Science.  Once humanity receives the AAAS’s approval, aliens will publicly reveal themselves, and offer full membership into the Interstellar Community.

Wagg also stressed that College of Curiosity is not intended to replace the skeptical movement, which has worked to encourage humanity’s support of science and critical thinking since the 1970s.

“This is a completely different program.”  Stressed Operative Klx 27.  “This is for people who may feel alienated by the tactics of the skeptical movement.  Instead of teaching people to “debunk” things, we encourage their curiosity, and show them that science can provide the answers they’re looking for.”

“We can debate who can be skeptical and who can’t.”  Added Wagg.  “Everyone, however, is curious.  So right away, the College of Curiosity is very inviting to the general public.”

Though the college won’t provide actual degrees, it will organize field trips, live performances, conferences, and have an Internet presence.  

Wagg then introduced Thom Britton, who performs a one man show called Freak Show and Tell.  Britton impressed the audience, as well as the estimated 12 Trillion viewers by demonstrating sword swallowing, fire eating, and walking on glass.  Afterwards he explained the physics behind his performance.

“This is what we want to do with College of Curiosity.”  Said Wagg.  “We want it to be fun, and educational!  Education is fun!”

Britton then announced that he had just learned a circus side show trick from Kepler 62.  He placed a box on platform, walked several feet away, then drew a red line on the stage floor.

“As most of you already know, a black hole is the most powerful force in the universe.  The line I just drew is where the event horizon will be once I turn that box into a black hole.”  He walked to within a few inches of the line.  “If I step over that line, I will enter a place where even light cannot escape.”

Britton then pulled out a remote control and pressed a button.  The box imploded and shrank until it was no longer visible.  Seconds later a black sphere appeared and rapidly expanded, extending beyond the line.  In a fraction of a second, Britton seemed to be compressed into spaghetti-like strands, and sucked into the black sphere.

Wagg activated a forcefield that surrounded the sphere.  

“Oh no!”  Cried Wagg.  “Thom miscalculated and is now trapped inside the event horizon.”

The sphere suddenly gave off a purple flash of light, then vanished.

“The black hole just evaporated into Hawking Radiation.  No living creature could have survived!!”

Britton walked in through the front entrance of the auditorium.  

“Except me!”  He yelled.

The audience gave him a standing ovation.  Britton said he would explain the trick next year.

After the presentation, many in the audience seemed eager to support College of Curiosity.  

“This is much more fun that a skeptics convention.”  Said Xi Chogon, resident from Sirius.  “Except Chicago Skepticamp, of course.  I’m going to ask Jeff how many asteroids I should mine so he can realize his vision.

PZ Myers, head blogger at Freethought Blogs, and co-organizer of FTBCon 2, seemed less impressed.

“It is an interesting idea.”  Said Myers.  “I’ll have to think about it.  At the very least, the next time I quote Jeff on my blog, I won’t use the Comic Sans font.”

FTBCon Interstellar 2 is a convention organized by the Freethought Blogs network  and the Atheist Interstellar Broadcasting Corporation.   The two day Interstellar portion of the convention was broadcast throughout the Milky Way Galaxy.

Starting Friday, the public portion of the convention will be live streamed over the Internet and last until Sunday evening.  A schedule of events and feeds, can be found on the FTBcon 2 web page.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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