Sunday, January 26, 2014

Chicago CFI’s feline fellows to speak at Women in Secularism 3

CFI Feline Fellow Cassie to speak at Women in Secularism 3
Chicago Center for Inquiry announced that their three feline fellows will be making presentations at the Women in Secularism 3 conference May 16 through May 18.  The conference will be held in Alexandria, VA.

“Women in Secularism has always been about interectionality.”  Said CFI communications director Paul Fidalgo in a secret meeting with Chicago area skeptics and humanists.  “Our feline fellows will provide conference goers with the ultimate intersection of animal rights, feminism, and humanism!”

The three cats, Anti-psychic Kitty, Andy, and Cassie, were breed as part of a secret project within the skeptical movement to create pets who radiate anti-psychic energy.  Only Anti-psychic kitty has that power.  All three cats have genus level IQs and can communicate by either walking on a keyboard or using special translation collars.  At the conference, the cats will be wearing protective suits so they can be around attendees with cat allergies.

Cassie, who spoke at the controversial Women in Secularism 2.1 conference, will give a talk on what feminists can learn from their cats.  

“Some say that if we give human women too much power and choices in their lives, it will destroy families.  As cats, we know this not to be true.  We form loving bonds with our human caretakers, even though we can groom ourselves, and don’t need constant reassurance.”

All three cats will be leading a mandatory Feminism 101 workshop for all CFI staff attending the conference.

“Many feminists tell us that they’re tired of having to explain Feminism 101 over and over again.”  Said Anti-psychic kitty.  “So we’re going to do it for them this year.”

“We don’t expect everyone attending to agree with all of feminism.”  Added Cassie, “We just want them to understand what it is so they can make relevant criticisms if they choose to.”

Said Anti-psychic Kitty, “We don’t want a situation where a high ranking CFI official attacks the audience based on anti-feminist stereotypes .”

“It would be like CFI organizing a conference with the Society for Humanistic Judaism, and then having one of our leaders criticizing the attendees based on anti-semitic stereotypes.”  Added Cassie  “That would be embarrassing for the organization.”

Added Anti-psychic Kitty, “Especially if he didn’t welcome the Jewish attendees to the conference, and then went out of his way to welcome an anti-semite blogger to the conference.  Our workshop hopes to prevent an incident like that.”

In addition to being guests of honor at secret fundraising dinners, the cats will also attend a special summit meeting with CFI Washington DC’s Canine fellows.

“They were nice enough to send us a letter in Lolcat.”  Said Andy, “So I am learning to speak Doge!”

Andy then turned towards a toy mouse, and tilted his head.

“Wow!  So shiny.  Such whiskers.  So still.  Very floor.  Much play!”

Andy then charged at the toy mouse and started batting at it with his claws.  Seconds later, he picked up the mouse, walked over to his human caretaker, and dropped it.  The caretaker picked up the mouse, and threw it across the room.  Andy darted after it, picked it up and then walked back to his caretaker.  He dropped the mouse again and looked up at him.

“I think his creator used dog genes when creating him.”  Said Anti-psychic Kitty.

Also in The Babbler:

Soviets launch another winter blast at Chicago
Bolingbrook Tea Party demands privatization of all roads
Sources: Mayor Claar’s autobiography to be called ‘The Internet was wrong about me!’

God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/1/14

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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