Saturday, December 21, 2013

Web Exclusive: Taslima Nasrin confronts author of Quran at Clow UFO Base


By Reporter X

Award winning writer Taslima Nasrin confronted the alien Gab’rel, author of the Quran, on stage at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO base.  Tensions were high at the event, sponsored by Interstellar Islamic Alliance and Milky Way Atheists, due to the subject matter, and because a TV series based on Nasrin’s work was just banned in the Indian state of West Bengal.  

“You have a lot to answer for!”  Exclaimed Nasrin.  “Your work of fiction has cause me great harm!  I have been exiled, beaten, threatened with death, and had my works banned.  I’m lucky!  Countless others have been killed by your oppressive fiction, works of art have been destroyed to appease your fictional god!  Women have been enslaved, tortured, denied education and mutilated to appease your misogynistic fantasies!”

Gab’rel, a resident of Kepler-623, laughed as Nasrin denounced his work.

“Sure there have been some excesses, but overall, I think the good Islam has brought to Earth far exceeds the bad.  Most of the bad stuff isn’t my fault anyway.”

During their 4 hour debate, Clow UFO Base was on its highest security status.  All audience members were searched for weapons, and the front of the stage was protected by three different force fields.  Fortunately, there were no incidents, and no arrests.  One alien was asked to turn his Tim Minchin t-shirt inside out, and he/she complied.

Most of the emotional displays were on stage, as moderator Mayor Roger Claar struggled to keep peace on stage.

“On this stage, I am in control!  Not Allah!  Not Dawkins!  Me!  I will decide who gets to speak next and you will obey me!”

During the debate, Nasrin pointed out that while other religions promote misogyny, that did not excuse Islam’s sexism.

“Women are treated as second class citizens in many countries.  They are forced to cover themselves because men are never taught to control themselves.  Women are punished if they improperly report their rapes.  They use your book as an excuse for their hate!”

“Sure I don’t care for female women,”  Gab’rel replied, “You can’t blame me for these crimes.  Muhammand was a real peace of work.  I had to write the Quran so he would be able to remember it.  It took me 23 years to get him to memorize it correctly because he was too distracted by infants and little girls.  You think I could have talked about feminism to a guy like that?  No!  I had to keep my audience in mind if I wanted this to be a popular work.”

Gab’rel said he was motivated to complete “The Aramaic Trilogy.”

“The editing of the Old Testament was a mess.  The New Testament wasn’t better.  Come on!  Telling the same story four times, and each version is different?  I knew I could do better.”

Gab’rel conceded that many have died due to Islamic teachings, but added, “but my believers created arabic numerals, trigonometry, and preserved ancient Greek and Latin texts.  So it is a net plus.”

Nasrin countered that today’s Islam is being controlled by fundamentalists who have no respect for knowledge.  She pointed to Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Taliban as examples of modern Islam.

“You could have chosen to teach humanity science, reason and critical thinking.  Instead you chose to write a harmful fantasy.  Religion may offer comfort, but it is not true, and its authoritarian structure can cause great harm, as history has shown us again and again!”

Near the end of the debate, Gab’rel stated that he did not agree with the censoring of her TV series.

“Muslims were once great conquers and excellent scholars.  These pretenders are offended by a TV series about three female siblings.  The people who are harming you are muslim in name only!”

Near the end of the debate, audience members were finally allow to make statements or ask questions.

QuiDo, a member of the IIA said that he believed that Gab’rel’s work was actually inspired by Allah, and asked Nasrin to wear something less provocative.

“I like females who wear spacesuits with the visors down because I can’t see any of your tempting flesh.  You would like one because they’re air conditioned!”

A Clow staff member addressed the two while holding back tears.

“I want to hate Taslima because she writes for Freethought Blogs, but she’s fighting against Islam, which means I have to support her.  The FTB bullies don’t do anything against Islam, but you are doing something against Islam, but you are a member of FTB, but you’re not a bully, but you are, but you’re bullying the right people.  But it’s not bullying.  I’m so confused!”

The man fell to floor crying, and had to be escorted out of the auditorium.  

Richard Dawkins addressed both panelists.  He praised Nasrin for her courage in the fight against Islam, and condemned Gab’rel for unleashing “a scourge on humanity even worse than Rebecca Watson!”  He then turned to the female seating area of the IIA and started to speak.

Dear Muslima—“


“Shut up!”  The women shouted back.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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