Sunday, October 27, 2013

CFI’s feline fellows create buzz at summit meeting

Anti-psychic Kitty rests after a hard day at the CFI Summit.
The Center for Inquiry’s feline fellows created a sensation at the CFI Summit in Tacoma, WA.

“I’m normally a dog person,” said Ophelia Benson, columnist for Free Inquiry and blogger at Freethought Blogs.  “After listening to their presentation, I know that these are my kind of cats!”

The three feline fellows, Andy, Anti-psychic Kitty, and Cassie, were breed as part of a secret project within the skeptical community to create pets that emit anti-psychic energy.  Only Anti-psychic Kitty has that power.  All three have genus level intelligence and can communicate with humans either by walking on a keyboard, or through special translation collars.  CFI adopted the cats in December of 2012.  Anti-psychic Kitty is a fellow with the Center for Skeptical InquiryThe Babbler shares joint custody of Anti-psychic Kitty with CFI.  Andy and Cassie were promoted to CFI fellows this year.

In keeping with the summit’s theme of merging humanism and scientific skepticism, the cats gave a presentation to a very select audience.  Andy, a tabby, started off by leading a workshop on how to play with cats.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re a skeptic or a humanist!”  Said Andy.  “Everyone loves to play with cats.  It is an activity that can bring us all together.”

Anti-psychic Kitty, a gray cat, reminded the audience that both humanists and skeptics support rationalism.

“We can have different opinions, but they must be grounded in facts.  Your opinions mean nothing if you think global warming is a hoax, President Obama isn’t a US citizen, and a dog is your best friend.

Cassie, a calico, urged the audience to also use empathy and compassion to guide their moral decisions.  She then made the most controversial statement of the summit.

“It is foolish to say there is a rift between humanism and skepticism.  The modern skeptical movement was started by the American Humanist Association.  CSI is a branch of CFI, a humanist organization.  No, the only real rift is between humans who are humanists in name only, and humanists who are truly humane.”

This promoted a Fedora wearing  man to stand up and accuse the feline fellows of being “furry Freethougtht Blogs Bullies!”

CEO Ronald Lindsay shouted back, “You know the rules!  No talking, No tweeting, No phone calls, and no heckling during a presentation!”  Lindsay then ordered the man removed.

After an intense question and answer session, Lindsay concluded by saying, “Cassie, none our human presenters would have said that to my face.  Believe it or not, I’m glad you did, because you showed how CFI truly values free speech.”

After the presentation, the cats were the guests of honor at an exclusive fundraising dinner.  Though the cats were friendly during most of dinner, they did hiss at Skeptical Inquirer Deputy Editor Ben Radford.  Radford tried to sit at one of the two empty seats at their table.

“Those seats are reserved in honor of Karen Stolznow and Rebecca Watson!”  Hissed Cassie!  “Go away!”

Sources say Radford complained to the dinner organizers, but was not seated with the cats.

On Sunday morning, Andy and Cassie were spotted in the hotel hallways.

“I was locking my room when I heard a scratching noise.”  Said John Z. Emerson, an attendee of the summit.  “I looked down and I saw something furry climbing on my fabric suitcase.  At first I thought it was a furry Chupacabra.  Then I realized it was a small cat.  Then I second, larger cat jumped up.  I was about to tell them to scat, but then they ran off.  About a second later, I saw Paul Fidalgo running down the hallway with two cat carriers.  I felt sorry for the guy.”

The feline fellows are expected to return to their Chicago home later this week.

Also in The Babbler:

Soviets launch cool weather attack against Chicago
Mayor Claar revives ‘luxury’ space elevator project
Bolingbrook resident treated for overinflated ego

God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/1/13.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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