Sunday, September 29, 2013

New World Order to 'protect' Bolingbrook in case of US government 'meltdown'

Clow UFO Base NWO Liaison Jeff Wagg address the galaxy.

By Reporter X

The New World Order assured the interstellar press corp that they would protect Bolingbrook following a possible government shutdown and debt default.

“Clow UFO Base is a valued asset to humanity.”  Said NWO Liaison Jeff Wagg.  “Governments come and go, but UFO bases are precious.  Even if the world falls into chaos in October, The New World Order will honor all interstellar treaty obligations.”

Unless Congress and the President can agree on a continuing resolution by September 30, the US government will shutdown on October 1.  While Social Security, and Medicare would continue to be funded, members of the military could see their paycheck delayed, and possibly one-third of federal employees furloughed.  National Parks could be closed, and The Centers for Disease Control, would only operate in case of an outbreak.  NASA would shutdown, except for a few hundred employees.

If the debt ceiling isn’t raised by October 17, the government would be legally required to spend money without the ability to borrow money to pay for the spending.  This could lead to slashed government services, higher interest rates, and global market chaos.

If the worst case were to happen, the NWO would “temporarily” take over Bolingbrook from the national government.  While Mayor Roger Claar’s role would be unchanged, he would be working with the NWO instead of Congress to secure funding.

“If Bolingbrook needs financing to keep its roads paved, we will provide it.”  Said NWO governor TX1.  “If Bolingbrook needs mercenaries to protect its citizens from the mobs of starving Chicago residents, we will provide them.  If Bolingbrook needs food, we will airlift it in.  If Bolingbrook needs a new currency, we will be happy to provide one!”

Wagg added that there are no plans to save the United States should it choose to default.

“Governments come and go, but we are forever.  We will be happy to work with whatever governments replace the United States.”

TX1 did offer that part of the United States could be given back to the United Kingdom as part of a deal to change the balance of power in the world.

An Illinois Congressional representative, who asked not to be identified, denied that a government shutdown would be a problem.

“The best job in the world just got better!  Now I won’t have to work the rest of the year, and I’ll still be paid.  Once the President backs down, we’ll change the law so that any attempt to remove me from office will be considered voter fraud!  If I get bored, I can always get a higher paying job in the private sector!  Oh, I’ll let you in on a secret.  I’m drunk and I’m on the House floor!  God has been very good to me!”

Also in The Babbler:

Record number of time travelers arrive in Chicago this week
NRA considers adding nuclear weapons to the Second Amendment
Babbler offers condolences to the Venguswamy family.
God to spare Bolingbrook this week 


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

No comments: