Sunday, September 22, 2013

Exclusive: Chicago proposes building the world's largest UFO Base

By Reporter X

Sources say Chicago will ask the New World Order for permission to build the world’s largest UFO base.

“Why do you think we sold the parking meters for such a ridiculous price?”  Asked one source.  “Our politicians aren’t corrupt to the point of stupidity.  They needed to quickly raise money to start work on a UFO base!”

According to the sources, the proposed base, to be named Richard M. Daley UFO Base, would replace most of the West and South Sides of Chicago.  The base would be concealed through the “revolutionary use” of holographs, and the “unprecedented” cooperation of Chicago’s media.  Some sources believe Chicago’s gangs would assist in keeping people away from the base.

Dan, who asked that we not use his last name, claims to be closely involved in the planning of the proposed base.

“Chicago is a world class city, and that makes us uniquely qualified to build the word’s best UFO.  Because if you want to show the universe the best of planet Earth, you show them Chicago!”

According to Dan, the plan calls for “encouraging” most South and West Side residents to move to the suburbs.

“Why do you think we shut down all those schools?”  Asked Dan.  “Because they weren’t full enough?  No!  We were trying to give those residents the hint that maybe they should move to another city.”

Jason K. Larson, a gun rights activist and “Chicago Truther” also believes that Chicago is trying to relocate residents to the suburbs.

“Every South Side resident has a gun, but we’re supposed to believe Chicago has the highest number of murders?  That’s just not possible!  This is a conspiracy to keep people out of certain neighborhoods!  A UFO base would be the best reason to do that.”

Documents obtained by The Babbler seem to confirm that the city will make a proposal to the New World Order.  According to the documents, Chicago recently created the “Chicago Interstellar Commission.”  William J. Daley, former candidate for governor and former White House Chief of Staff, is the new head of the commission.

In an e-mail, Daley allegedly wrote, “I am very fortunate that this opportunity came along.  Otherwise I would have been elected to the thankless and hopeless job of being Governor of Illinois.  As head of the commission, I will do my best to spread the good influence of my family throughout the galaxy!”

The current draft of the proposal calls for city to build and finance construction of the UFO Base.  Once completed, the commission would become a covert corporation and control all revenue from the base, while the city would partner with local gangs to secure the base.  The city, in return, would receive annual rent.  The small print, however, reveals that the corporation can choose not to pay rent without penalty.

Don says this is fair because Chicago could get an economic boost from the UFO base, and that could mean higher tax revenues.

“This is the best example of cooperation between the public and private sectors!”

Critics, like Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar, who also administers Clow UFO Base, call Chicago’s proposed base “wasteful and dangerous.”

“Clow is about the maximum size for an urban UFO base.”  Wrote Claar to the New World Order.  “Any larger, and we would risk expose the existence of aliens to the general public.  Daley UFO base is irresponsibly oversized!  The world would know the truth about UFOs within a week of operation.  The only reason this is being proposed is because Rham Emanuel is jealous of my UFO base!”

Don counters that the project has one very major supporter.

Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam look forward to greeting visitors!  Who knows?  Maybe Minister Farrakhan will take a long trip with one of them.” 

Also in The Babbler:

Jay Cutler offends visiting alien Bears fans
Aliens fined for littering the stratosphere
Follower claims to have seen a vision of Bonnie over Village Hall
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/25/13

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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