Sunday, August 11, 2013

Sources: Atheist leaders record “Blurred Lines” video

Several anonymous sources claimed to have seen “parody” video of “Blurred Lines” featuring several prominent atheists.

“I didn’t know what to expect when I got a DVD from the Skeptics Society.”  Said Paul, a Bolingbrook resident who asked that we not use his last name.  “When I played it, I remember yelling, ‘Oh my God!’  Then my wife came in, and accused me of buying a porn video and embracing religion.  We’re fine now, but the Society owes me for marriage counseling fees!”

The video, according to the sources, features Robin Thicke’s controversial song, “Blurred Lines.”   In the atheist’s “parody” video, the leaders are surrounded women only wearing shoes, while the fully clothed leaders lip sync to the song.  The video also shows twitter hashtags and URLs for various godless groups.

In one scene, Michael Shermer, Executive Director of the Skeptics Society, smiles and fills the wine glasses of three models.  He then turns to the camera and winks.

In another scene, Richard Dawkins flips through handwritten cue cards featuring his anti-Muslim tweets. Some of the nude women around him are holding live pigs or pork products.

Another scene features Center for Inquiry CEO Ronald Lindsay dancing with the nude models.  One of them hold ups a picture of Karen Stollznow.  All the models and Lindsay then make the silence gesture. 

A prominent atheist, who the sources refused to name, is seen pulling a model into a tight embrace.  The video then shows the hashtags #nothingbetweenus followed by #auniversefromnothing.

The video also includes the atheists holding up pictures of podcaster Brian Dunning, and balloons arranged into words saying that women can’t have a certain part of the male anatomy belonging to D.J. Grothe, president of the James Randi Educational Foundation.

A source within the Skeptics Society confirms that they made the video in response to allegations of sexual harassment and sexual assault made against the secular movement.

“A certain group of miscreant bloggers say we don’t like women.  That’s not true.  We love women, and what better to celebrate women than to show off their bodies?  Yeah it’s edgy, but so is the secular movement, and these men are the cutting-edge of edgy.  We just wanted to show that we love women and bring back the good old days of conventions.”

When asked to comment, Dawkins told this reporter that it was early in the morning in England.  He followed with angry unintelligible sounds, then hung up.

When called, a man answered Dunning’s cell phone and said Dunning was in the middle of a legal hearing.

In the background, a man yelled, “How can you sentence me for fraud?  I’m Brian Dunning, the host of Skeptoid!  You should be rewarding me for being smarter than eBay!”

This reporter also tried to contact Lawrence Krauss, author of “A Universe from Nothing”, who is suspected of being the unnamed atheist in the video.  While the spokesperson said Krauss was busy, a man who sounded like Krauss could be heard in the background talking on the phone.

“Let me get this straight.  After Ed Cara’s post accusing me of sexual harassment was removed, you decided to put it back online?  You think you’re doing me a favor?”  After a long pause, he said, “Don’t confuse ‘brave hero’ with ‘brilliant hero!’  Leave the thinking to skeptical men like me!”

The Babbler is still trying to get a copy of the video.

Also in The Babbler:

Atheist blogger flees Chicago for New York
UFO makes emergency landing after colliding with the Perseid Meteor Shower
Alien spacecraft emerges from the Lisle Square after 50 years
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/14/13

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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