Sunday, May 5, 2013

Officials: Anti-vaccination alien terrorists may infiltrate AutismOne conference

By Reporter X

Chicago area covert officials are concerned that anti-vaccination alien terrorists may attempt to infiltrate the AutismOne conference May 22-26. 

The sources say the anti-vaccination terrorist group, KukPu'K has at least three cell operating in the Chicago area.  The cells, according to the sources, promote anti-vaccination propaganda, and encourage parents to either not vaccinate their children, or embrace an ineffective vaccine schedule.  Once humanity has lost herd immunity from common illnesses, they unleash a pandemic that will wipe out humans.  Their goal, according to the group’s publicists, is to eradicate stupidity from the universe.  Any civilization that abandons their vaccination programs, they argue, deserves extinction.  

KukPu'K claims responsibility for the destruction of 45 civilizations.

“While we have no evidence of direct contact between AutismOne organizers and KukPu'K,” Said Operative 8 of the New World Order, “we do know that KukPu'K has funneled money to the conference.”

The officials feel that KukPu'K will send in operatives to the conference to “radicalize” attendees.

“Even when you show some of the attendees that Andrew Wakefield ran a fraudulent study back his claim that vaccines cause autism, they’ll still believe him.”  Said Operative 6 of the New World Order.  

Operative 6 added, “The AutismOne web site also tries to tie in Noam Chomsky with their cause.  Now Noam is no friend of the NWO, but even he realizes the importance of vaccines.  Heck, he slams us for not doing enough to get more people vaccinated.  These are the type of people KukPu'K likes to target.”

NWO’s Men in Black, together will Clow UFO bases’s Men in Blue, will be on site to ensure that no unauthorized aliens are at AutismOne.  They stressed that legitimate anti-vaccination supporters will not be targeted.  However, anyone found to be working directly with KukPu'K will be framed for crimes against humanity.

When asked to comment, a woman, who claims to have friends with ties to AutismOne, accused the NWO of trying to frame her organization.  She said AutismOne is only looking for answers that “they” have suppressed.

“Having a child suffer from Autism is the worst experience for a parent.  It is so bad that we will do anything to cure them.  Including giving them bleach enemas, and homeopathy!  I don’t believe in vaccines, but if I did I still wouldn’t give them to my children because I can’t say with 100% certainty that they don’t cause autism.  You can’t even trust the Wall Street Journal on this issue!  I don’t care what they want me to do!  I’ll take my chances because a child is better dead than autistic!  

Also in The Babbler:

Godless students raise money for Secular Student Alliance
Bigfoot shoots back at Oswego hunter
PZ Myers loses access to Clow UFO base after quitting the skeptical movement
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/9/13

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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