Sunday, May 12, 2013

Clow UFO Base scientists return alternate DJ Grothe to his home universe

Is this a D.J. Grothe from another universe.
(Image similar to one taken by Ingrid Laas.)

By Reporter X

Sources at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO base confirm an individual from a parallel universe was recovered, and returned to his universe.  The sources also confirm that the man was that universe’s version of the James Randi Educational Foundation president D.J. Grothe.

“We don’t get too many visitors from our neighboring universes.”  Said one anonymous source.    “Most of them can’t support life, and the ones that can, don’t have civilizations that are aware of other universes.  In our universe, The Martian Colonies have the technology to visit other universes, but they rarely use it because it consumes too much power.”

Fortunately, The Colonists were will to assist Clow’s scientists in returning Grothe to his own universe.  Though the actual explanation requires knowing advanced hyper dimensional physics, in simple terms, there was field of energy keeping the alternate Grothe in our universe.  Scientists were able to nullify the field, and the laws of the multiverse returned Grothe to his home universe.

During the debriefing interview, a clean shaven Grothe explained how he arrived in our universe.  According to Grothe, a man who claimed to have the power to send others to a different universe applied for the Million Dollar Challenge.  For his test, he had to move Grothe into another universe, and then return him.

“There was bright flash.”  Said Grothe according to the interview transcript.  “When I could see again, I saw that I was on the outskirts of a small midwestern suburb.  I figured he had the power of teleportation, not necessarily the power to travel between universes.”

Grothe then tried to call the JREF’s office but, to his shock, the number was disconnected.  He then tried to call his partner, and, again, the number was disconnected.  Confused, Grothe then tried to call Jeff Wagg.  “When answered, and started yelling at me, I thought something was really wrong.  When he said that he left the JREF a long time ago, that’s when I started to think that maybe I was in another universe.  Of course, I could be having a dream influenced by the claimant.”

When Grothe found out he was in Oswego, IL, he tried to call Clow UFO Base, and identified himself as the president of JREF, the skeptic movement’s ambassador organization to the Interstellar Community.  To his horror, the receptionist told the JREF was no longer a recognized organization, and to wait for “recovery.”

“At this point, I was starting to think that maybe there was extraordinary evidence that I was in the wrong universe.”

The Men in Blue picked up Grothe and brought him to Clow UFO Base.

At the debriefing, Grothe said that his universe was similar to ours, but with some notable differences.  The JREF still works with extraterrestrials to promote skepticism to humanity.  The JREF is still located in Fort Lauderdale, and DJ lives there with his partner.  Wagg is the vice president of the JREF.  Most striking, noted Grothe, while our universe's skeptical movement has a deep rift over issues of sexism, the rift was mostly healed in his universe.

“In my world, the rift started to heal at the end of the TAM 9 diversity panel.”  Said Grothe.  “That’s when I said that the JREF needed to focus on traditional skepticism, but  I would help the panelists start their own organization to bring critical thinking skills into the ‘social justice’ movement.  If things worked out, then maybe I could give them space at future TAMs.”

Grothe said that after speaking with Rebecca Watson, he slightly modified the TAM anti-harassment policy so there would be an announcement at the start of TAM to let attendees know to contact a TAM Ambassador if they have any problems.

Rebecca loves TAM, and she wants to make it better.  We agreed that most attendees were good people, but as we were growing, there was a greater risk of bad apples getting in. We disagree on speakers flirting with attendees, but I have asked them to think twice before hitting on any attendees.”

Grothe did offer advice to the new group, but no money.  “I told them to change the name from Atheism+ to Social Justice+.  The old name might confuse some people into thinking they were trying to redefine atheism.”

For his TAM 2013, he expected very few problems.  “I’m looking forward to Penn and Teller’s Bacon and Doughnut Party, as well as the Marian Call concert sponsored by Skepchick and Freethought Blogs.”

Grothe had no advice for our Grothe.  “Right now, I’m going back to a world where skeptics have proved the existence of the paranormal.  It is going cause an upheaval in our community, but the JREF should be OK.  We’ll make a fortune telling the world how we made the discovery.”

As for the psychic, Grothe said he wasn’t planning to award him the million dollar prize.

“The terms specifically stated he had to teleport me to the other universe, and then bring me back.  He only brought me to the new universe.  So technically he failed the test, but did prove he has some powers.”

This universe’s Grothe could not be reached for comment.

Also in The Babbler:

Martian Death Flu cases appear in Chicago
Chicago fears summer zombie outbreak
Astroid residents protest Earth’s mining plans
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/16/13

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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