Sunday, December 16, 2012

Hanukkah Harry makes rare public appearance in Chicago

Hanukkah Harry, a former elven helper of Santa, made a surprise visit to Chicago’s Synagogues on Sunday morning.  Sources in the Jewish community say it is unusual for him to appear in public, especially the morning after Hanukkah.

Said an instructor at Har Zion, “When I saw a cart being pulled by three flying donkeys, I thought I was seeing things.  You don’t usually see Harry flying around during the day.  Yet there he was, and he was asking to speak with the children.  That was really unusual.”
According to some Jewish cultural experts, Hanukkah Harry visits Jewish parents each night of Hanukkah to make sure they have presents to give their children.  Unlike Santa, Harry does not pass judgement upon Jewish children.  Instead, he lets their parents decide if they should receive his gifts.  

“Santa always creeped me out.”  Added the instructor.  “He’s always watching the children, yet never does anything when a child was in danger or being abused.  Makes you wonder.”

Jill, an instructor at Temple Shalom, said Harry had a special message for all Jewish children.

“He said that while scary things have happened recently, life is also full of happiness and wonder.  Because we’re part of a global Jewish family, together we have the strength to stand up to the evil and ugliness in the world.  By doing that, we will prevail and see the light and love that is in the world too.  That’s a lesson adults should learn too.” 

Not all congregations were open to Harry’s message.  Doug, a member of Anshe Sholom B’nai Israel, waved off Harry when he tried to land in their parking lot.

“We told him that Hanukkah isn’t Jewish Christmas, and we don’t need a Santa Claus.  I also told him to donate our gifts to charity.”

Other congregations welcomed Harry warmly.  Kol Hadash, a humanistic Jewish congregation, was delighted when Harry entertained the Sunday school students with games and prizes.

“We always teach our students not to accept anything on blind faith.”  Said an instructor who asked not to be identified.  “At first none of them believed in Harry.  After seeing his flying cart, asking him questions, and examining his prizes, they believed.  They believed based on evidence, not faith. That’s the best lesson anyone could teach them.”

Most of the congregations’ spokespersons laughed when asked to provide an official statement.

A Kol Hadash spokesperson, how ever, did comment.

“Hanukkah Harry is fiction character created for a Saturday Night Live sketch.  If you’re going to run this stupid story, please make sure to include a link to our podcast.”

No one at The Babbler knew how to reach Harry for comment.

Also in The Babbler:

Mayor Claar: I still don’t accept donations from space aliens!
Bolingbrook mourns the lives lost at Sandy Hill
Paranormal believers brace for another Chicago Skepticamp
God will not smite Bolingbrook this week

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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