Friday, November 23, 2012

Web Exclusive: Bolingbrook to annex Naperville

Could Bolingbrook be on the verge of annexing Naperville?  

Professor Donald Z. Clark, an “unofficial Bolingbrookologist” believes the signs clearly show a merger is imminent.

“First of all, why are they building another bridge connecting Bolingbrook to Naperville?”  Asks Clark.  “Are they expecting a massive increase in traffic between the two communities?  Why would they expect that, unless they’re planning a merger between the two communities?”

The ultimate proof, according to Clark, is the Michael Evans’s resignation from The Bolingbrook Area Chamber of Commerce to become the president and CEO of the Naperville Area Chamber of Commerce.

“There are only two ways this makes sense.”  Said Clark.  “Either (Mayor Roger Claar) exiled him from Bolingbrook, or it is his job to help Naperville’s businesses accept being absorbed into Bolingbrook.  Which do you think is more likely?”

Village Hall employees, who asked not to be identified, denied that a merger is planned, but did state that there were advantages to such a move.

“Bolingbrook gains more tax revenue, a historic downtown district, a river walk, and more residents who can take advantage of our golf club.  Naperville gains Roger as their new mayor, and, um, a name that starts with ‘B!’”

Evans denies that Bolingbrook will annex Naperville.

“That does it!   I’m extending your permanent ban to the Naperville Chamber as well!  As long as I live, The Babbler will never influence any of my lobbying efforts!”

Naperville Mayor George Pradel also denied the annexation theory.

“You’re killing me!”  Said Pradel.  “You honestly think we’d let Roger take us over?  We’re Naperville.  We have a reputation to uphold.  Being annexed by a Will County suburb would destroy that reputation.  Now I’m going to hang up before my laughter turns into angry yelling.”

When this reporter tried to contact Claar, his receptionist said that he was busy preparing talking points for his appearance at a Heart Haven Outreach fundraiser on Monday.  Claar, explained the receptionist, will be greeting and serving customers at McDonalds located at 100 N. Bolingbrook Drive from 5 pm to 7 pm.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said, “The thought of anyone else running Bolingbrook makes me grimace.  Hmm.  I’ll have to work on that one.”

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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