Sunday, October 28, 2012

Mayor Claar: Hurricane Sandy is not an invading spaceship!

NASA image of Hurricane Sandy

By Reporter X

Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar assured the interstellar press corps that Hurricane Sandy is not a disguised UFO.

“I’ve heard the rumors, and they’re (expletive deleted)!”  Said Claar.  “The East Coast of North America is not under attack!  Just because a hurricane becomes a Frankenstorm does not mean aliens are involved!  It’s just one of those unusual storms that are becoming more usual lately.  Not that it has anything to do with global warming!”

The press conference was intended to highlight the smooth relocation of UFOs from New England UFO bases to Clow UFO Base.  

“Our enhanced stealth grids can handle the increased stress.”  Said Claar.  “The UFO spotters might be happy seeing an extra UFO or two.  The rest of the public shouldn’t notice because they’ll be too busy watching The Weather Channel.”

When asked about rumors that Hurricane Sandy was a disguised invasion craft, Claar became upset.

“Why can’t you guys be more like Bolingbrook Patch and less like The Babbler?  Any intelligent being knows that the first thing aliens invaders would do is take out The Middle East.  Then after we run out of oil reserves, they would invade us.”

Claar also denied that HAARP is manipulating the hurricane, nor that the New World Order planned to use Sandy as a cover story for taking out the New England power grid.

“The New World Order is happy with the choice of Presidential candidates.  They have no desire to devastate New England, or change the course of the election.  Sometimes a hurricane is just a hurricane!”

Claar also reassured the reporters that Sandy would have a minimum affect on Bolingbrook.

“We’re expecting a few windy days, but nothing serious.  There is no truth to the rumors that you’ll be able to surf the waves at Lake Whalon.  It is still against the law to swim in the lake!  It’s only for fishing and boating!  Anyway, Since Lake Michigan is going to be a mess, this will be the perfect time to visit Lake Whalon.” 

He added that there was plenty of room and supplies for the extra alien visitors.

“We just received extra tanks of aliens atmospheres.  I’ve personally inspected the hangers, and we have the room.  Some aliens might have to sleep in their space craft since we’re short on guest rooms.  We can handle this.”

Claar added that Sandy shows how Clow is important to Earth’s relationship with the aliens.

“If there’s a disaster someone in the world, Clow is always a landing option.  How would we look if we told the galaxy, ‘Sorry!  You can’t land on Earth.  We just had a really bad storm.’  We would look foolish!  The fine personnel at Clow are showing the Universe that Earth is always open for business, and why Bolingbrook is the most important village in the galaxy!”

Clow expects the increased traffic to start Sunday afternoon, and last until Monday evening.  UFO spotters can expect more sightings from the East, with a slightly greater chance of daylight sightings.  As usual, UFO spotters should never venture onto the grounds of Clow Airport or bother the employees. The airport employees most likely do not know about the UFO base.

Also in The Babbler:

Chris Mooney to be banned from “red states”
Romney accused of using subliminal advertising
Witch arrest at O’Hare airport for attempting to curse PZ Myers
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/30/12


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

No comments: